As a continuation of my physical trauma of last week, I will start by declaring that after a week of my new thumb reality, I have seen some minor improvement in the strength of my left thumb, but it ain’t back to anywhere near 100%. I am using a very simple test every day to track the situation and since I do not have any strength calipers, I am using my ability to touch each of my fingers on each hand with my thumb. With my right hand, its 1-2-3-4 and if I had a sixth digit, I could probably touch it as well. My right thumb veritably dances across my palm to greet my pinky. And then there’s my left thumb, who I will rename as the the Bad Thumb, Thumbalina or perhaps the Thumpster Fire. It starts by just looking feeble for some reason. Then, when I touch my index finger it does so with no serious problem. The middle finger involves a little trembling. I can touch the ring finger, but by then it’s shaking like a hound dog trying to shit a peach pit. As for the pinky…I am still a half inch away from touchdown, so that it my caliper. When I can actually do a thumb to pinky chin-up again, I will remember to give myself a cookie.
Not having a fully functional left thumb is proving to be a very interesting experience in some ways. It certainly is developing my thumb appreciation thinking. I dare you to try to use a Q-Tip in your left ear when your left thumb is misbehaving. Q-Tips and ear canals have a very tenuous relationship to start with. I suspect that Johnson & Johnson would advise against you using a Q-Tip in your ear for liability reasons, even though that is perhaps 99% of what people use Q-Tips for. I might send a suggestion to the Johnson & Johnson people in hopes of getting a lifetime supply of Q-Tips that they should put a warning label on the box that reads, “CAUTION: Only use Q-Tips in your ear canal if you have a fully functional thumb!” The toothpaste tube is another place where the left thumb comes into play, but that is both an obvious thing and one that the fingers can deal with by simply using the thumb as a dead countermeasure. In the shower, I use a shampoo pump bottle so no thumb is needed, but that big bar of Duluth soap is much trickier than I expected when you try to grip it with your four left claw fingers and your thumb is slipping and sliding around the soap like a four-year-old on ice skates.
Yesterday I went for my regular bi-weekly stretch and by now everyone at my stretch clinic knows all about my enfeebled thumb. The kinesiologist working me over for forty minutes paid extra attention to my left forearm and hand, which I could really feel. Assuming this is about medial nerve compression somewhere between my neck and my thumb, that forearm manipulation has to help and sure feels tingly while being done. A few years ago while trying to address my historically numb toes, a condition that has been with me for a dozen years and which I always assumed was due to my now departed edema, I went to see a neurologist. She put me through a neurological extremities testing protocol and confirmed that I did have some minor nerve damage in my lower legs that was causing my numb toes. That seemed fairly useless as diagnoses go (I already knew they were numb) as there was no particular course of action or cure offered. But just to add insult to injury, she also told me that there was evidence of some similar dysfunction in my forearms (no edema there) that might affect my pinky function. Of all the medical things you can get told in life, being told that you may end up with a pinky problem does not do much to scare you. In fact, I took that as a fun storytelling opportunity since it sounds so silly. I would end those stories by wiggling my pinkies and saying, “so far, so good.” Ha Ha, but looks who’s not laughing now. Thumbs the word.
I also went to that Gyrotonics lady I mentioned in a prior story. To begin with, her studio is in her home and her home is way off the grid in a part of Escondido that had escaped my awareness. It reminded me of being in Big Sur with a distinctly alpine feel on the side of a small mountain. Her property, which she shares with her husband and four large wolf-like black dogs, was quite a zen-like setting with rock pools and sluice-ways that run through the dime-store Frank Lloyd Wright style house. It has a definite hippie throw-back feel that screams, “Eastern Medicine Practiced Here”. Susan, the Gyrotonics trained and certified therapist, fit the image and was incredibly nice and welcoming as we wound our way through the levels of her multi-level home to her studio with the polished concrete floor. There I was greeted by more fancy, but earthy Gyrotonics equipment than Torquemada had in his basement. This was a place where shoes came off at the door and soothing spa music oozed through the walls. She showed me the basic rotational “Gyro” movements after giving me a basic mobility and flexibility quiz. Interesting and very logical. Lifting weights or pulling bands is done linearly and tends to compress you. Gyrotonics is doing resistance training that stretches you circularly and thereby opens up the spine and muscles and tendons and whatever connective stuff goes on inside of you. The whole idea is to decompress you. If I could have her standing behind me a dozen times a day pulling my head upward, I would stand a good five inches taller in no time…and feel wonderful. We’ll see how it feels after a few sessions, but I suspect there is something to this Gyrotonics. Kim is going to try it and I’ve agreed that we should go together for a dual session, thereby saving $30 and the long and winding road to this Esselen wannabe place. Our friend Phillip, who recommended the treatment, tells me, “It changed my life”. That’s what I say about Stretch-U, so I appreciate and respect the sentiment. This is not about feeling good in the moment, like at a spa (though it feels pretty good in the moment). It’s about feeling good the rest of the day because whatever ravages of time and trouble have inflicted themselves on your less than perfect body, this sort of stuff helps get it all back into alignment. Chiropractic gets a bad rap, as do podiatrists. I think those are the old school corrective parlors. The new age version is about Pilates, Tai Chi, Assisted Stretch and now…Gyrotonics. Whatever it takes to keep thumbing my nose at aging.