I’m sitting at San Francisco Airport waiting for the last flight back to San Diego. I flew up here this afternoon, was on the ground for five hours and spent two of those in the city visiting with a friend. This was an unexpected trip but one that very much needed to be made because some big decisions were made and friends need to support friends when they make such big decisions.
“Peace out” as an expression traces back to the 1960s-70s counterculture, when “peace” itself became a farewell among hippies and antiwar activists, often paired with the two-finger peace sign as a parting gesture. No place exemplified the hippie anti-war culture more than San Francisco, so how appropriate that this expression comes to me when I’m in this town. The specific “peace out” phrasing crystallized later, popularized by African American vernacular English and hip-hop culture in the 1980s-90s. Rappers and DJs used it as a sign-off (a “shout out” or “peace out” at the end of a set or track), and it spread into mainstream slang through hip-hop’s broader cultural influence. By the 1990s it had become a widely recognized, slightly retro-cool way to say goodbye — often accompanied by that same two-finger peace sign — and it’s stuck around since as a casual, friendly send-off.
People find peace through pretty different paths, but a few show up again and again. Acceptance is perhaps the most common means. Not fighting reality as it is, even when it’s hard. A lot of inner turmoil comes from wanting things to be different than they are. Giving into reality can be very peaceful. Another way to get there is through presence. Getting out of rumination about the past or anxiety about the future and into the actual moment. Meditation, breathing practices, time in nature, or just focused attention on a task can all do this. Ultimately, it’s about finding meaning and purpose. Feeling like your life or actions matter to something beyond yourself, whether that’s relationships, work, creativity, or belief are how you find it. That all requires letting go of control (or the semblance of it) recognizing what’s actually yours to influence versus what isn’t, and putting energy only into the former.
The Serenity Prayer that we’ve all heard before is most commonly attributed to American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, who is believed to have written it around 1932-1943. The most familiar version goes: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Niebuhr reportedly first used it in a sermon at a church in Heath, Massachusetts, though the exact date and circumstances are debated by historians. His daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, wrote a book (The Serenity Prayer) defending her father’s authorship, since the attribution has been disputed over the years — some researchers have found similar sentiments in earlier writers going back centuries (echoes of Stoic philosophy, Boethius, and others have been pointed to as possible influences). The poem gained massive popularity after Alcoholics Anonymous adopted it in the 1940s as a core part of their recovery philosophy, and it’s since become closely associated with 12-step programs generally (AA, NA, Al-Anon, etc.). There are longer versions of the prayer that circulate too, adding additional lines beyond the famous three-part core, though the short version is by far the most widely known.
Peace can also come from connection. Strong relationships and community tend to buffer against a lot of the anxiety and isolation that erode peace. And don’t forget about physical regulation. Sleep, exercise, nutrition, and reduced stimulation (less doom-scrolling, less noise) all affect baseline calm more than people expect. And last, but not least is the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness of others but also the often harder forgiveness of ourselves.
My friend seems to have found his peace. For me, helping him celebrate that adds meaningfully to my sense of peace. I have long believed that we all do what we do for ourselves with the difference being that the combination of conscience and empathy determine whether that’s about directly fulfilling our needs or indirectly doing so by helping others. Some would say that my philosophy is very cynical, but I think not. My recent reading of the book The Batavia referenced antinomianism as a philosophy. The core belief, reportedly subscribed to by the head mutineer was associated with the Dutch heretic David Joris and broader “Free Spirit” / antinomian currents circulating in the Netherlands at the time. The essential claim was that the truly “elect” (those chosen by God) were incapable of sin and that since God controls all things, nothing done by the elect could be against God’s will, no matter how it looked to others. Good and evil, sin and virtue, were dismissed as illusions imposed by conventional morality; the elect operated beyond those categories entirely. My philosophy is a variant of that except I would substitute morality with conscience and empathy.
Why does someone drop everything to get on a plane to be with a friend in his time of need? Whatever my motives, the bottom line is that while the visit may have done good things for him in settling into his peace, it did far more for me in reminding me about the importance of finding peace, something we all must do to fully self-actualize. I see that my flight is now delayed by fifteen minutes. I’m tired. It’s been a long day of fiesta preparations and traveling. Airports and Ubers are always a challenge. But you know, I feel good. I’ve always been a sucker for accomplishment, but this is different. I believe it’s important to my soul to be a good friend…and to do so with nothing on the table to seek in return. Peace out, San Francisco.