Zen and the Art of Acceptance

We’ve been going through a lot lately, as people often do from time to time. Into every life, as they say, some rain must fall. No one can fully anticipate the rain and we all live with unpredictable weather in life, but the progression of life keeps marching forward with both sunny and rainy days. I feel that the trick is to treat every day with wonder and surprise and yet not be surprised by any of it. The world advances and we have no choice but advancing along with it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am, by nature, a planner. Being a planner is not about being an optimist or a pessimist. It’s just about being prepared and trying not to get caught flat-footed. People joke about the fact that I arrive early to almost everything. I find that far less stressful than running late and that makes the whole process of life more enjoyable to me. I suppose it goes hand in hand with keeping a neat desk. It pleases me and keeps me more productive, but I understand that it infuriates others who somehow feel that trying to organize a disorganized world is a fool’s mission. I will always gladly suffer the jokes and even occasional castigations of the guy standing at the door as the first to arrive anywhere rather than being the guy who runs around wondering where he is supposed to be. We all find peace in our own ways and mine involves preparing myself.

Zen is a school of Buddhism that emphasizes direct experience and insight over intellectual understanding or doctrine. It originated in China (as “Chan” Buddhism) and later flourished in Japan. It’s core principles focus on direct experience over theory. Enlightenment comes through direct intuition, not study. It says, “Don’t think, just do” and that we should experience reality as it is, not through concepts. I read all that to suggest that Zen and planning are sort of oil and water. It’s almost like someone invented Zen to justify that not planning ahead is not only acceptable, but perhaps a better way to live. That may be me misinterpreting the art of Zen, but I’m thinking that if I got to the party late all the time, I might want to establish that as a better way of life too.

And yet, Zen is famous for its focus on meditation (Zazen). In fact, in Zen, sitting meditation is the central practice. We are told to focus on being present in the moment and observing thoughts without attachment. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I sit and meditate, my mind does not go into the ozone somewhere and detach itself from the real world. I can force myself to think good and happy thoughts…to contemplate beauty and goodness, but I cannot forget that I am in this world. Zen says that mindfulness is in everyday life. That enlightenment isn’t separate from daily activities. Washing dishes, walking, gardening, can all be part of Zen practice. Zen says, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” Sounds a lot like “Stay calm and carry on”, but just doesn’t fit on a t-shirt or bumper sticker quite as easily. None of it suggests that arriving late to the party and forgetting you were supposed to bring the onion dip is acceptable.

Zen is about simplicity and spontaneity. It teaches to let go of unnecessary complexity, to act naturally and authentically and to embrace impermanence. That kind of Zen makes perfect sense to me. I accept that simplicity is always better. I can even embrace spontaneity, but would suggest that spontaneity and preparedness are not mutually exclusive. If you accept that everything is impermanent, you are accepting that nothing should surprise you and that you simply need to carry on. Simplicity and naturalness is about living fully in the present moment and still accepting things as they are. If you need to feel better about that simplicity, tell yourself that you are finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. Treat every drop of rain on your day as a good thing and not something to dread.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m talking here about life and death. As a person of 72 years, I am not unfamiliar with death. But by the same token, I have never experienced war or great tragedy, so I will admit that I may be more naive about death than I’m prepared to admit. If it slapped me in the face, I might well be horrified and run away screaming. But I think not. This is where the value of being a planner and over-thinker come into play. You may be a Zen master who is serene and embracing of impermanence and spontaneity, but when the shit hits the fan, us planners have gotten there early and are ready to get past it because we thought it through, embraced it and had a lot less trouble staring it in the face. I live my life as an optimist of the highest order and yet I believe acceptance lives on that same plane. Acceptance should be very Zen, whether it is or not. Acceptance is the foundation of calm. Acceptance keeps you from running away screaming. And if you’ve over-thought it and planned for it in your mind and therefore in your soul, you can accept anything and take it in stride.

I learned a long time ago that people’s minds can work very differently. Some people need more time to process what life throws at them. I’m tempted to say that would be less so if they planned better, but that may be unfair. You can’t blame a person of modest intellect for not understanding calculus. You equally cannot blame a person with a lower emotional quotient for needing time to process. Perhaps they’ve used up their quota of calmness and acceptance on a stray dog or cat. It happens. But when I see someone standing in shock over something inevitable but which, nonetheless, catches them flat-footed, I am thankful for all the contemplation I have “wasted” preparing myself for the impermanence of life. I can’t tell if that means I’m a Zen master or a Zen moron, but I know it works for me.

I’ve spent my life, like many of my generation, working hard to displace spirituality with science and technology. That’s worked well most of the time, but I have also had my moments standing in the shadows of canyons like Zion, thinking that technology is child’s play by comparison to the universe. That’s when I’ve realized that science is just man’s way of describing the eternal truths that have always and will always surround us. Science is just another form of planning. And when it comes to life and death, planning cannot change an outcome, it can only help us accept it. Think what you need to think. Say what you need to say. The world will go on. The Righteous Brothers may have said it best when they wrote Rock and Roll Heaven. If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand.