What I Stand For
Years ago I worked with a guy named Josh, who was my deputy in several roles and at several organizations over some eight years. That is a long time to mentor someone and perhaps an even longer time to be mentored. While he was, technically, a subordinate and was younger than me by a dozen years, I came to think of him more as a peer than a subordinate. Such was my respect for him. In fact, I think I probably learned from him enough to feel that we were co-mentors of one another. Strangely enough, he too attended Cornell University as an undergraduate. He was somewhat unique in the Wall Street context, less because of his competence, which was quite high, but more because of his empathy and ethical foundation. He had a hard-driven side and perhaps was more money-focused than I (that being more the norm on Wall Street than where I stood), but he was (and I suspect still is) a very thoughtful and well-meaning person, who genuinely cared about other people’s well-being. I think the world would be a better place if everyone was like Josh.
There are a number of things that stand out in my memories of the times Josh and I spent together. His sense of humor was wonderful. I am forever catching myself laughing when I remember some funny turn of phrase he made at certain moments. His achievement orientation was legendary. Few I have met were more driven. When we were doing derivatives together, I recall him saying that you couldn’t be a good derivatives trader unless your mother didn’t love you. And his perspective on some of the big picture issues was quite memorable. One of the things that permeated many of our problem-solving discussions was the way he thought about and expressed his belief in the importance of mission. It was less oriented towards action that needed to be taken and more about intent. He used to say that “you have to stand for something.” I don’t know if that is a unique observation or not, but I certainly didn’t hear it from many others in my career. Lots of people think you should do this or do that in business, but far fewer think in terms of representing something. To stand for something is to have meaning and meaning transcends the business cycle. Hopefully it is a permanent sense that drives purpose and leads to the right kinds of actions, be they smart business moves or more profound policy and ethical drivers.
That idea has stayed with me, which is to say that it is one way in which Josh may have forever impacted me. I always think in terms that I must stand for something if I am to have the kind of impact that I want. I think that I inherently used to do that, but I feel like the ability to grasp the importance of the process of determining intent may have been lost on me and was made more certain if I asked myself the simple question around any endeavor…what do I stand for? Sometimes just saying it out loud makes a difference through awareness.
Someone like Kim has an easy time with that question of what she stands for because she is all about love. Love conquers all for her and I see her love in almost everything she says and does. As noteworthy and honorable as that is, some of us are too complicated or perhaps otherwise hidebound to allow ourselves the ability to simplify so much and use love as our one and only guiding light. As for myself, I have very long list of things that I think I stand for and they cut across all sorts of economic, political, intellectual, emotional, existential, relationship and lifestyle issues. We are all a product of our upbringing and experiences and I suspect those form many of our ideals that we stand for. But I also think that we are all also born with a sort of fabric to our being that represents some combination of genetic inherited traits and even perhaps primordial brain stem tendencies.
For instance, I think we are each either more pioneer or more settler, and even those tendencies may be formed as an arc that follows a path through life. For instance, my tendency is towards the pioneer and I totally understand that pioneers often end up as sun-dried bones by the side of the trail as the settlers pass by in their wagons, but the thrill of discovery obviously means more to me than it does to some others. I accept that’s who I am and being an innovator is one of the things I think its fair to say I stand for. But I also know that, quite logically, I am less inclined to be a pioneer as I get older and more willing to be a settler. I’m not sure that means I have changed as much as moderated my behavior. I’m probably still a pioneer at heart, but settling has become more of a necessity as joint stiffness and muscle aches become a bigger part of daily life.
Another involves expressiveness. Smart people often recognize that saying less is often less risky and/or more productive. But I follow a theory that communication is what separates us from the animals and that it is the glue that holds all human endeavor together. If I err, I always choose to err on the side of over-communicating rather than under-communicating and I never seem to remember whether that’s actually better for me or not. You can call that being imprudent, but I call it something that I stand for. I always think about that comment made by Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven when his witness-protection-program character says to his FBI handler that it’s not tipping he believes in, it’s over-tipping. So, I like to say that it’s not communicating I believe in, but over-communicating. I guess that means that anyone who grows weary of my blathering on should blame my old friend Josh.
Kidding aside, on the subject of accountability, I am certain that I stand for the combination of self-awareness and taking accountability whenever and wherever it is called for. To me, owning what you do and have done is a very fundamental character trait that is a sine qua non of respect. I have recently decided that the real “Big Picture” that we should all be considering in elections as voters is much less about policy and much more about character. While it is not the only element of character, accountability ranks pretty high on the list of things I look for in any politician I consider. I want my leaders to be accountable and to stand by what they have done. When I was in the leadership business, I felt that it was a defining characteristic. I always hear Russell Crowe as Maximus in Gladiator saying to his men before they go into battle, “Strength with honor!” i assure you, Maximus understood the importance of standing for something and taking accountability for his deeds.
I like standing for things. I liked it in business and I enjoy it still. One of the things I have come to believe in very strongly is that we all need to express our thankfulness for the things we have in life. I believe that should not be something that gets done inside, but is rather given voice. There is something to the value of prayer and even though I am far less religious than many, I think verbalized prayers of thanks are important. I tell Kim every night that I love her and am grateful that we are together. I tell my family and friends that I love them (something it has taken me many years to be willing to verbalize). So, I suppose I need to end by thanking Josh for teaching me the importance of acknowledging the things that I stand for. You might say that I stand for having something to stand for.