Fiction/Humor Memoir

Weekend at Moonstruck

Weekend at Moonstruck

We are coming up on the first weekend of August and we are completely unscheduled for the next three days. While we are by no means social butterflies, we usually do have activities of some sort planned for the weekends. Sometimes it is only a dinner or a movie, but our usual go-to’s are out-of-pocket. Sister Kathy is trying to get out of her COVID bout, but can’t seem to get a negative test yet, so they are not available. Brother-in-law Jeff is two days out from back surgery and can’t seem to catch a break. He is more or less immobilized in bed , wracked with unending pain that prevents him from sleeping and doing anything else. The pain meds help a little, but not enough. I am working on the optimistic assumption that the passage of time will heal both of those wounds, but likely not before this weekend gets away from us.

As I scan the blue horizon to the east and to the west, I see perfect San Diego weather for August. It looks like it will reach a high of about 90 degrees with a light breeze blowing, but the average high this month is historically almost that, so pretty much as expected. The garden is prospering based on my automated irrigation system and some occasional hand watering. I have, as of this morning, officially completed MoonstruckPurna, the climbing wall I have been designing and building on the western rock wall face that is south of our guest room and just overhanging our rose garden. I had previously painted a larger-than-life slightly abstract agave on the lower right side of that rock wall with a full yellow harvest moon above it by another dozen feet. Without any specific forethought to the matter, I had left the two-thirds of the rock face that is best suited to creating a climbing wall (angled at a slight, but forgiving 5 degrees) free to install this latest backyard attraction for the kids.

I began early in the summer by putting in a belay rope that drapes over the boulder and is bolted into the rock with a large rock anchor. That will be used to harness the young climbers and allow their parents or yours truly to belay them from below, just like they do in the rock climbing gyms that have become so ubiquitous in both urban and suburban America. This will require at least a harness on the climber, and either a harness or at least rope hand grips for use by the adult doing the belay. On the rock face I have placed 50 rock-colored resin hand and foot grips, spaced out for a youngster’s natural reach limitations, such that they can find easy purchase of hand and foot holds to make their way up the wall. This wall , at about twenty feet, is high enough to give them a thrill and a sense of accomplishment as they climb, while the hand grips are friendly enough to make holding on relatively easy and certainly scrape-proof. Each hold is secured by two all metal hammer anchors (a mechanism I discovered is infinitely easier to wield than screws with plastic anchors, and I suspect will hold much better). These things are rock-solid and will likely hold any adult, much less any child that is likely to climb the wall. The anchors are drilled into the granite with a hammer drill to a depth of about 1.5”. Then, by hammering the zinc nailhead into its metal sleeve, the sheath expands outward and is tightly wedged into the sides of the rock hole in question. It has a rasp-like quality to it and is not going anywhere unless the rock cracks open, which is highly unlikely for granite.

I put in half of the holds and then enlisted Handy Brad to do the ladder work for the other half at higher levels. I played assistant and did all the handing of tools and fasteners as needed and we made quick work of it. I was quite proud to show Brad how well I had planned the project and procured the right tools and perfect fasteners for the job. He was visibly impressed, though he still did the normal Handy Brad mumble while he worked. The piece de resistance of the project is the large engraved brass bell I had Handy Brad anchor to the very top of the rock wall. It is engraved with “MoonstruckPurna Climbing Wall” and has a braided rope clanger-pull. I also had Handy Brad install two black metal grab bars on either side of the bell such that when a climber gets to the top of the climbing wall, they can hold on with one hand and ring the ceremonial bell with the other. I haven’t gotten them yet, but I have also ordered brass plaques heralding those climbers who will achieve the bell-ringing objective. I have ordered name plates for all the children in the family and will add others as visitors come and claim their accolades. Needless to say, I am expecting this climbing wall to be a very popular attraction and something for the youngest of the children to aspire to while the older children undoubtedly will scramble up the wall with minimal difficulty. And now it is all set to go.

Along the way to building this climbing wall, I showed it to our friend Melissa, who has done some rock climbing in her day. She was quite anxious to try it out once finished, and since I am looking for someone to beta test the attraction, she seems like the perfect one to do so. She is not as small as the children who will be the primary users, but she is also not a full-grown man either. Therefore, if anything is not up to the anticipated weight limit, she should help me discover that. Knowing that I would likely finish the wall on Saturday, and given that we had no weekend plans, I suggested to Kim that we have some local friends over for a summer barbecue so I could show it off. We asked seven couples from the neighborhood with whom we are now friendly. Given the one-day notice, I am glad to say that three of the couples could make it, so we will be eight for dinner tonight. One is away fishing in Alaska, one is off to Magic Mountain with family. One is wrangling family visitors and uncertain as to departure timing, and one is passing on account of being eight and a half months pregnant with their first child. That last one is our Nepalese neighbors, but I will be sure to tell them that they will need to come visit Moonstruckpurna, named in honor of their native homeland majestic mountains and their climbing traditions.

So, what started as a quiet weekend with nothing on our dance card, has now turned into opening night at the latest Moonstruck attraction on the hilltop. I have Moonstruck Madness Games Area, the Crepe Myrtle Footbridge, Moonstruck Fairy Village, The Cecil Garden with the Basalt Column Fountain and Bonsai Garden, the Patio with its Certified Big Tree Queensland Bottle Tree, Falling Water Boulder Grotto, the Pagoda Hilltop, the Wildflower Garden, the The Joshua Tree Trail, the Rock Garden Pathways, The Bison Boulder, Bighorn Leap, Coyote Gulch, MoonstruckShire Hobbit House, and now, MoonstruckPurna Climbing Wall. When will it end? Not this weekend.