Fiction/Humor Memoir

Water on the Brain

Water on the Brain

We live in one of the only counties in California that tends not to have too many water restrictions. That’s good for me and especially good for my garden. I’ve spent a lot of time and a fair bit of money getting my irrigation up to snuff with its 25 zones and four programs with different watering frequencies and all zones having heir own watering duration. It’s not a perfect bespoke system, but its close enough to give me confidence that everything is getting enough water to thrive. Nevertheless, I also hand water a few things in the garden, like the Papyrus plant and a few bonsais on the patio which don’t otherwise get water all by themselves. Its all part of my daily routine and I am always looking to see if my plants are getting enough water, even if I have to pay a bit extra for the added daily watering.

Part of my smart home app suite now includes an app from the Valley Center Municipal Water District, which is the entity that supplies my water. They added the app a few months ago and I dutifully signed up. I set several alerts on the account based on the idea that it would alert me if my water usage exceeded a level that I consider to be noticeably excessive. I set that level as about 100-200 gals per day over my normal usage. My watering schedule had three heavy days a week, so I made sure to incorporate those days in my level setting. For the past few months, I have had a few trees planted and suffered some extremely hot/dry weather, so I was not surprised to get occasional email alerts that I had exceeded my self-selected limit by a small amount. No problem and generally good to know so i can track usage.

Then this morning I got an alert about a likely leak in my system. They must have some algorithms that determine that a certain flow rate is unnatural and indicates a leak. They sent me a one-week graph that showed in orange the suspected leak volume over the last two days, highlighted in orange versus the presume normal usage in a light blue color. For yesterday and the early part of today, my usage was being deemed to be one half from a likely leak according to them. They said that I had used 1,300 gallons in seven hours and that they estimated the lead at 200+ gallons per hour. Their website takes you through the possible causes of the leak, less on a specifically informed basis and more in a generic sense. My first thought was that my irrigation system was to blame since it is the biggest user of water. I called my irrigation guy, Andre, and he told me how to shut if off and I did so with the expectation that he would swing by in the morning to check it out.

Then I called the water district and they told me where to find my meter, which is actually set in the ground at the nearest intersection, about 500 yards away from our house. Once I figured out which meter was mine I looked around and realized that the DPW was busily repaying the adjacent roads on our hilltop and that work ran right next to where my meter was located. Since they started yesterday and the leak started yesterday, I immediately jumped to a conclusion that they were suddenly the prime suspect. A DPW supervisor understood my concern and helped me figure out how to read the meter. It just so happened that due to the road work, there was a water district crew on site as well. DPW very smoothly transitioned the problem to the Water guys who came up to the house and tried turning off the irrigation valves (no change and the meter kept running) and then the main house valve (meter stopped), indicating that the problem was in the house somewhere. I have no signs of visible water anywhere around the house.

That was when Mike, who I discuss all of my household problems with now, asked if it could be the spa. I felt plumb dumb for not thinking of it. Even Kim though I had already eliminated it, so I guess I was just being a bonehead. I went out there and the water level in the spa is fine and I went down to the equipment and there is no visible leakage. I called John the spa guy who told me how to cycle the system through to see if it was working (he had recently replaced a few valves and pumps). Nothing, everything seemed in order. John even came over a bit later and checked to see if he had done anything boneheaded and could find nothing amiss.

So, at Andre’s suggestion (I figure he’s the closest thing I have to a resident plumber), I called American Leak Detection service and they are coming over in the morning to ferret out the leak and give me an estimate for fixing whatever is causing the problem. In the meantime, Kim has told me that the guest bathroom toilet appeared to be running (she jiggled the handle to make it stop), but I just don’t think that could account for 200+ gallons per hour (nor did the Water District guys). So, my mystery will wait until morning….when the leak sleuths arrive. I’ve looked at the app for an update (maybe jiggling the guest toilet did the trick), but alas, the leak has now bled 4,000 gallons over 15 hours and is hitting 262 gallons per hour. I think I can survive the night, but hopefully we can isolate the problem when the leaksters get here at 8am.

So, Angel and Mateo showed up on time and the clock is running. They are very good guys and we are having fun with this exercise. It is a beautiful warm morning here on the hillside and I have positioned myself on the patio with the sun at my back. As they drove up in their American Leak Detection van, I couldn’t help but think of Ghostbusters arriving at the scene of a forensic psychic event. As they exited their Leakmobile, I waved for them to come over to the patio to discuss the situation. I felt a little bit like Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, holding court and making everyone come to him. I had them sit down while I regained them with the Waterworld tale of the last day. It involved irrigation, DPW road crews, Valley Center Water District guys, Spa guys, running toilets and even a recent continuous hot water system installation a few months ago. After a look at the meter on the corner and a simple on/off spigot approach, they determined that the majority of the leads was in the house somewhere and yet the irrigation system also had something going on.

They went into the house with me, donning what really looked like a Ghostbusters Proton Pack. It was a contraption with a Geiger counter-like meter and headphones to hear gushing water in pipes. They used it to test every line in the house…and so far they have found nothing. They are now going around the house to determine where the leak might be coming from. The good news is that nothing that might damage the interior of the house seems to be in play. They tell me the house is “holding water pressure”, which is a good thing. I am now suspecting the spa system since it is away from the house and obviously has a lot of water flowing through it. They are down there right now and I am expecting the prognosis shortly.

The endgame here turns out to be very simple. There are no leaks…anywhere…at least not that are detectable. The Water District tells me that the heavy flow stopped last night at 7pm or so (probably when Kim jiggled the guest toilet handle). They say that the 293 gallon/hour flow (the peak level) is now 7 gallons/hour. That’s a normal irrigation system leakage number that Andre will check out later this week. As for the house, American Leak Detection has given me a clean and leak-free bill of health. Now I can go back to worrying about my other utilities and take water off my brain.