Washing Windows

The phrase “I don’t do windows” is well entrenched in Americana whether you consider it just a saying or an outright meme. The etymology of the phrase is cloudy, with most people wanting to attribute it to the sitcom maids of the 60’s and 70’s like Hazel or Florence (from the Jeffersons), but some recognizing that it goes back into the movies of the 30’s and 40’s as well. It’s in the same category as “it’s not my job”, and it highlights the perceived difficulty of the task and perhaps the thanklessness of the task given the fact that windows never seem perfect in their cleanliness. But there is also something very fulfilling about washing windows and seeing the sun shine in through a chrystal-clear surface that is literally smooth as glass. Windows are one of the great metaphors of our modern times. They represent transparency and the connection that exists between the outside world and the inner circle of our lives. No one likes to be peeked at through a window, but people hate even more any room that is devoid of windows and ways for the light to come in. We want our lives to be shielded by one way glass that cannot allow others to invade our lives and yet we feel we deserve the right to peer out at the world whenever and wherever we choose. In many ways, windows are what make modern life acceptable to man as a creature who was designed to live in the wild. Like televisions, windows started as small peepholes and have grown over the millennia into floor-to-ceiling affairs that make the indoors as much like the outdoors as possible. The thing that binds the full array and shapes of windows is that they fail in whatever purpose they have if they are not kept clean. That makes doing or washing windows a very necessary function and highlights the significance of people who clean for a living not wanting to do windows.

In this town, like most towns in America, there are an abundance of people set up to be gardeners and landscapers, people who manicure our out of doors. There are equally great a number of people who offer their services to clean and maintain the interior of our homes (windows notwithstanding). There are also handymen who list themselves by the dozen in the local pennysavers. Handymen in this area tend to congregate at the local deli and sit outside sipping coffee, presumably trying to rustle up business by reminding people that they are available to do the chores that we would rather not or cannot do. Ask a handyman (like Handy Brad) if they will go up and do something on the roof and you will find that half or more will state the clear preference or dictate that they will not climb ladders (sometimes, as in the case of Handy Brad, they will not get off or on ladders at the top, owing to the danger of falling during such a maneuver). Some window work is a high wire act to be sure. Architects sometimes place windows in high and inconvenient places for aesthetics and without sufficient regard to climbing or cleaning. In olden days, double-hung windows were not accessible from the inside without leaning way out of the window to reach up or down to the outer half of that window. But generally, most window washing is not a dangerous proposition.

This house has 85 windows (I counted, and included glass doors and separate window panels like 2 for a sliding glass door and even two in the garage) and 15 deck railing glass panels, all of which need cleaning at least annually. Some are high ceiling-height transom-like lateral things, and some are small accent floor-level 15” square feature windows under larger picture windows (note that Buddy is particularly fond of these since he stands only about a foot high). This is a open-level house set on a hilltop that falls away particularly on the western side, which means that not all windows (30 by my count) are either not at ground height or easily accessible on the outside from a deck. That means that out of 200 window surfaces, 170 of them can be cleaned without a ladder or any reaching instrument. The 30 that are too high can all be reached by an extension pole and therefore do not require a ladder either. In other words, I think its safe to say that on this house, window washing is not a dangerous exercise, but simply a somewhat laborious one. While several of the windows are massive picture windows of as much as 8’x6’ (8 to be exact), the average cleaning time for the entire array can be estimated at 90 minutes for the inside, 120 minutes for the outside and an additional 60 minutes for the deck railing panels. In other words, using a wash/squeegee/touchup technique, it should take at most a half day to do the entire job.

One of the most common questions neighbors ask one another around here is whether the other neighbors know a good window washer. I’m pretty sure the bid I would get to do this house would be $400-$500…or more. Since the equipment and materials used for the task are de minimus, that means I would be paying someone $100/hour to wash my windows. I believe in a living wage and I have no problem paying skilled labor what its worth, but window washing is pretty close to being unskilled labor. At worst, it can be learned after one or two windows, so it is a very low level skill at best. When I moved out here to this hilltop five years ago, I researched and bought the best window washing gear on the market. Some might choose Unger or Rain-X, but I prefer the Italian manufacturer Ettore and I have everything I need including special elongated buckets, washing mops and squeegees, as well an an extension pole for both implements and special ammonia-based Windex-like concentrate to put in the water to prevent streaking and water marks. A complete 16-piece pro set of window washing tools from Ettore costa about $300. You can get fancier ones up to $3,000, but the marginal value is minimal for all that jazz. I spent probably $150 and the stuff I have is as good today as it was 5 years ago.

I have told Kim that I feel like washing the windows this week. Maybe its the arrival of our new deck furniture that is inspiring me, or maybe its just that after two roadtrips, I’m happy to dedicate some time to home maintenance. Whatever the case, I am telling you that washing windows is a very therapeutic endeavor for me. I have always believed in the value of menial work. I don’t mean that I just believe in the dignity of honest work (which I do), but I actually believe that doing menial work is good for me. First of all it is fundamentally another form of exercise. It’;s like weeding. Anyone can do it. Everyone will get some exercise content in doing it. And it has a visually satisfying sense of achievement that comes with it and makes me feel fulfilled in the doing. I also think its good for the soul to do mindless tasks at times…it gives you very productive thinking time and helps with self-reflection.

So, not for any particular reason other than that I can, I am going to go about washing windows over the next few days, starting with the ones facing the deck before the furniture arrives on Tuesday (Handy Brad already took away the old stuff and will be giving it to his niece in Palm Springs). Those windows and panels constitute 30% of the entire household, so I think I will take that on as my chore for today. Wish me luck.