Tongue-Tied
Sometimes I have to struggle to find a good title for a story or, indeed, find a good story. My friend Gary, who reads and comments on almost every story I write has recently told me that it is only logical that I will run out of things to say and stories to write and I have challenged that. I said that so long as I have breath and can get around and do things, I will find stories to tell. In actuality, I don’t even think I need to be able to get around since I think I have a very fertile imagination. Now, if something happens to my imagination or I lose my sense of wonder at the world around me or humor for its many twists and turns, then I may be in trouble, but I don’t foresee that happening while I am breathing. Aye, but there is the rub I have come to learn.
About twenty-seven years ago, like clockwork when I turned forty, I started to snore. At first it was a comment or two from my wife, but then I noticed I wasn’t sleeping that well either. So I went to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital for what was one of the earliest sleep clinics. I spent a weird but revealing night in their lab and the result was that I was told by the doctor that while he did not detect the oxygen deprivation aspects diagnosed as sleep apnea, I was “one world class snorer.” He did his best to explain how the soft pallet tissue in my throat was blocking the airflow as I slept and that I therefore snored and might eventually develop apnea if the condition worsened. It was during those years that I had a ski house in Utah and I did notice that at 7-8,000 feet of altitude, it was hard for me to stay asleep, so I looked for a solution. The first idea from the Columbia doctor was a dental appliance that jutted out my lower jaw so that the airway would stay more open. At first this seemed reasonable and not so uncomfortable, but it is amazing how uncomfortable jutting your jaw out over a prolonged period of time can be. I would wake up with the “mouth guard” most often in my hand, not recalling removing it voluntarily.
Then my friend Deb in Utah suggested a CPAP machine, which I had never heard of. Her father had one he didn’t use and she lent and then sold it to me. As strange as it seems at first to gear-up at bedtime with a headset, the results were wonderful and I soon adjusted to sleeping with it. I then went through the procurement process since a CPAP technically requires a prescription (a real case of medical system nonsense in my opinion). I have slept with a CPAP almost every night for the past twenty-seven years and have owned dozens of newer and newer models. I currently own perhaps five machines (they are not cheap) and even more different styles of headsets since I switch that element up regularly. Nowadays there are a lot of CPAP users around and even the airport security people looking for bombs and such are totally familiar with the contraptions.
Once about a decade ago I read that NYU was pioneering a new anti-apnea treatment that involved minor throat surgery to remove excess loose tissue in the throat. I have written about that monumental failure wherein the doctor sliced off portions of my throat including my uvula and left me having to relearn how to swallow without passing my food through my nose. All that and I still need my CPAP. I was not a fan of that program in the least.
Today I went to a new dentist here in San Diego. I have no dental issues, but I haven’t been to one since moving out here and I feel it is time to get positioned with a local dentist. So I am going to my sister’s dentist and today was the meet and greet with a general oral review. I have generally had very good dental health with few, if any, problems over the years. No root canals, no crowns or caps, just the occasional replacement filling (I had a bunch of fillings from when I lived in Costa Rica a child and we lacked proper fluoridation) and regular cleaning and scaling (I don’t even really accumulate too much plaque as it turns out). During that introductory session, I started by getting a full set of X-Rays on equipment that is now totally digital and a big step up from the old program of putting film in cardboard into your mouth and biting down on it. After that the doctor came in and introduced herself and went about looking through my mouth and at the X-Rays on the screen and giving her assistant some commentary to put in her files about my mouth. The assistant also used a tool I hadn’t seen before which is basically a lighted oral camera that allowed her to do a video of my mouth. All of this technology seemed to make a lot of sense and I was pleased to see it all in practice. She then made a few comments about my mouth to me.
She noted the bumps on my tongue (Fungiform papillae) which sound and look nasty, but are really no particular cause for concern or really even a problem, she said. She then leveled me with the comment that I was tongue-tied. I had heard that expression, but was unaware that it was an actual physical condition. Now, I have had this particular mouth and tongue for going on 68 years and lots and lots of people have looked in there over that time. No one has ever accused me of being tongue-tied, either by metaphorical reference or by physical description of my mouth. This condition is called Ankyloglossia and it is refers to that little tight band of tissue (almost like a tendon) that goes from the base of your mouth up to the tongue and acts as the attachment thereof. This little part of the body is called the lingual frenulum and apparently its placement can be at the back or middle of the tongue (supposedly the normal adult positioning) or to the bottom of the tip of the tongue, which is the malformation which has been called being tongue-tied and is the “malady” that I seem to suffer from. Now, there are many places one can go with this notion and none of them seem particularly pleasant or non-embarrassing, but here goes a few. It can cause breast feeding problems in infants and therefore might somehow be the cause of any breast-fixation I have. The Mayo Clinic says it can cause speech problems that involve difficulty saying sounds such as “t,” “d,” “z,” “s,” “th,” “r” and “l.” That list alone could lead to lots and lots of excuses I might have for things I’ve said over the years. It can cause poor oral hygiene in that it can prevent food from being swept out of the mouth properly. Strangely enough, the dentist said my teeth were in fine shape so I’ve managed to overcome that disability and sweep all the food the enters my mouth into my stomach or perhaps out onto my shirt and tie occasionally. And then, lastly, the Mayo Clinic says that this affliction can cause problems licking, kissing or playing a wind instrument. There will be no clarinet it my future I guess.
The dentist also mentioned that the newest theory is that it is a cause of sleep breathing problems since the tongue cannot naturally rest easily in the roof of the mouth and thus often falls back to block the throat during sleep. What!?!?! I had my uvula and tonsils removed and have been sleeping with a CPAP for twenty-seven years when I could have just had my frenulum snipped? The hell with circumcision, I should have had this snip done in infancy, don’t you think? I can only imagine how my life would be different if I weren’t so tongue-tied.