The Treehouse
in 1989 when I was reassigned to Toronto as punishment for a lapse of business judgement, I had gone through a divorce and wanted a home base. I looked for a house within an hour of where the kids lived and that meant either in the City or out in the Hamptons. Ah yes, the famous Hamptons, playground to the rich and famous of Manhattan and the share-house capital of the east coast.
My theory on the Hamptons centers on two distinct aspects. Location is the first issue. It isn’t just about being on the beach, as nice as that can seem. The first issue is where in the Hamptons the house is located. There is the north fork (think farm stands and rugged cliffs) and the south fork (think glitz). Since the Hamptons are shaped like a fishtail, you need to also consider locations on the inside facing Gardner’s Bay. Since most of what people consider the Hamptons (Westhampton, Quogue, Hampton Bays, Shinnecock, Sothhampton, Bridgehampton, Water Mill, Sagaponack, Easthampton, Montauk) is on the south fork, there is a critical breakpoint at the Shinnecock Narrows. This is all about practicality. West of the Narrows and you have driving optionality and are never boxed in. Go east of the Narrows and you are trapped. You basically are stuck on Rt. 27 (Sunrise Highway) for all your east/west travel. It can be a nightmare on a busy summer weekend. Driving strategy is key to survival in Hamptons living.
The other issue about the Hamptons is that there are very few hotels or Inns. You go to the Hamptons with guests and that’s who you hang out with for the weekend. The exceptions are members of golf or tennis clubs (both very expensive) and young share house inhabitants that frequent all the bars and clubs that spring up like mushrooms when May rolls around. But for the most part going the Hamptons means figuring out who you are going to the Hamptons with. If you are a beach rat, getting to the beach early is important, not to reserve sand space (of which there are endless beautiful dunes-worth), but to find a spot to stash your car (unless your place is on Dune Road). But most socializing goes on around the private pools and tennis courts on most people’s property.
One of the most important things about the Hamptons involves getting your dinner reservations in early. You are bound to run into most of Manhattan at these restaurants so be aware that reservations go early and go dearly. The other thing that is only somewhat less competitive is getting your morning number at the bakery. The bakery makes the Soup Nazi look like a casual encounter. You cannot get to the front of the line and not know exactly what you want or you will draw comments from the anxious New Yorkers in line behind you.
When entertaining the kids, the pool takes on the heavy lifting if the weather is good. Movies can occupy some free time too. Beyond that, you need some yard activities. A few lawn games like frisbee golf and even archery are good. But sooner or later and especially during extended stays, you need something more. One day I was looking at this big tree in the side yard. I had already installed the obligatory coy pond with electric motorized pump. But that tree screamed treehouse to me.
I socialized the idea with my two kids and they voted unanimously for the treehouse. Luckily my sister and brother-in-law, who are both architects, were in for a week with their kids,so I had expertise and a full crew to take on the project. We started with a wish list from the kids. I had to draw the line at elevator, but tried to include most of the other things like a rope swing, a terrace, a ramp to pull yourself up and several other features. My brother-in-law was a design/engineering wiz so he drew out a design. Unfortunately he had to leave the construction to the rest of us.
My sister and I made a trip to the lumberyard and did what all amateurs do, we overbought supplies for our over-designed treehouse. We went through the whole process of assigning tasks to the kids and they jumped right in…for about fifteen minutes. That’s how long it took for this family project to be abandoned by the kids and left to me and my sister. At least she knew something about construction. I am wrong to suggest that the kids had nothing more to do with the project, since they did seem to ask when it would be done about every five minutes for the next five days while my sister and I broke our backs building the Goddam treehouse.
It came out great. The kids loved it and played in it for many years. The process of building it never bothered me since the kids got such a kick out of it. I owned the house for fifteen years. By them I was pretty tired of the Hamptons and the kids wanted to go out for fewer weekends as high school life overcame them. My son did use it for the infamous after-prom party where ten or so kids piled into the master bath jacuzzi and flooded the downstairs bedroom. Normal stuff.
Just to prove the universal point that no good deed goes unpunished, when it was time to sell the house due to lack of use and a refocusing of kid activities to a house upstate in the town where they would all attend college, I paid the price for that treehouse. My youngest son was eight and considered the treehouse his. The fact that it had been built for his older brother and sister was irrelevant to him. He complained about my selling the house until I bought an ATV for the upstate house. That helped a little, but the guilt play was strong. Did I mention it was HIS treehouse in the Hamptons?