The Problem Being Gary
Gary has become one of my great friends and advisors over the past four years. Let me describe who he is. Gary is tall and lean with a head full of white hair and the look of an aging Tommy Hilfiger model. In fact, if Tommy Hilfiger decided to launch a line of cool senior wear, I would submit Gary’s picture for consideration as a model. He looks like he would be at home at any country club or on a three-masted Mediterranean racing yacht. But Gary is so much more than a pretty face or as my wife Kim likes to say, “not just a hat rack.”
Gary has a doctorate in political science from my favorite Ivy League school, Cornell. He went on over the years to be an accomplished academic in his field, publishing a number of books on twentieth century politics, which unfortunately were more scholarly than popular and never got past the dusty corners of the poly-sci section in the research libraries. Somewhere along the way, Gary did what so many worthy academics do, he opted for a move into academic administration.
It’s a funny thing, there is a regular need for good academic administrators, but most often these people don’t easily transition back to academia per se and instead move on up the ladder in the administrative world. Gary did just that and eventually rose to the position of provost, which in the academic world is sort of the CEO of the University where the President is the Chairman. The provost runs the University, full stop. Everyone on the faculty and staff report to him and he makes all the important daily business decisions of the place. Obviously every flight configuration between provost and president of any given University varies a little, but I think my characterization of it is fairly accurate.
Gary was such a good provost that when it was time to retire at the “normal” American retirement age of 65, Gary realized he was not ready to retire and found a network which placed pro-tem provosts into positions at Universities around the U.S. Most big institutions do not move quickly to fill important positions like president and provost and generally are required by law or at least by-laws to go through a rigorous search process to find Mr./Ms. Wonderful to fill the post. During those times they need a pro-tem provost (somewhat more so than a president given the daily decision-making needed) to sit in and drive the ship until the new captain can be found.
Gary took many a pro-tem provost gig for six months to two years all over the place. He moved his act around to accommodate the opportunities until such time that he was offered a full-time provost gig again. During those pro-tem years the US employment world shifted from assuming retirement at 65 and leaving those older than that as exceptions to the norm, to a place where retirement isn’t necessarily assumed at any specific age and allowing people to work as long as they liked and were able. This is a good model given the financial burdens of retirement when longevity is extending way past historic norms.
What I haven’t explained about Gary is that somewhere between grad school and now he had a life-changing realization that he was more attracted to men than to women. He loved his wife and children, but what the heart desires, the heart desires, so he wandered off the traditional path and found a male life partner by the name of Oswaldo. Oswaldo is of Venezuelan extraction (I can relate since my father and his family are Venezuelan). I think of Oswaldo (decidedly not Oz or Ozzie) as a unique blend of both Lucille Ball and Ricky Riccardo…sort of like Desilu Productions. He is very much a homebody, but with a flair for the dramatic in an outgoing Latino way. They make a wonderful couple.
All household decisions are taken mutually and no household decision is more important than whether and where Gary will go provost next. They moved here and there with ease and fortunately (especially for us), they moved next door to us a few years ago on Staten Island (a long story for another time) with a plan of living for a few years in the NYC metro area to take advantage that all the Big Apple had to offer. They and we, in turn, take full advantage of the cultural offerings of New York and did so while Gary provosted away on Staten Island.
Oswaldo used to joke that Gary was like an egg timer with his work assignments. When the sand started to run down, Oswaldo would just turn the egg timer over and say, “Back to work, Gary!”
That worked great until Gary got a diagnosis that required some serious surgery. That happened and Gary was recuperating at home at a time when I was getting more and more into writing and being required by my then-CEO position to be in the office less and less. Gary’s natural writing abilities made him the perfect editor and proofreader for my writing and he seemed to like the task-orientation it gave him while he stayed away from real work during his convalescence. He was a great help to me and as most writers write autobiographically, Gary came to know a lot about me through his editing.
Then a funny thing happened. Being at home and allowed to be absent from work with only the slightest of editing to dabble with, Gary started to think about retirement in a more positive way. In fact, he started to hanker for retirement. This became such an obsession that when he went back to work he negotiated his notice with his friendly president and started running down the clock to the big day.
During that time, Gary and Oswaldo spent the time debating where they would choose to live in retirement and where they would travel to first, second, third, fourth, etc., etc.. At this point Gary has been retired for four months and I see absolutely no signs of regret. He certainly has had practice enough retiring so he should have it under control by now. By my count he has been on several cruises and foreign trips as well as taken on some project work from his vast array of academic contacts. The only thing Gary has not done is to write. He still reads my stories (hence my decision to write one about him). Few people that I know have more to give that I would be willing to read about and listen to than Gary. But Gary must get past the retirement hurdle before he is ready to write. The egg timer is finally cracked open (sorry Qswaldo) and Gary is free to do as he pleases. Academics are always pressured to write. Gary does not deserve any pressure in his life. He will write again if he chooses and when he chooses and about which he chooses. The problem being Gary right now is that he has so many choices and all the right and ability in the world to do what he wants, that the rest of us just have to be patient and wait. In the meantime, Oswaldo is still serving lovely dinners to us and we are prepared to be patient.