Fiction/Humor Memoir

The Pause That Refreshes

The Pause That Refreshes

After three days in a row of 10+ hour report writing (I have to incorporate research and data as I go, so this sort of expert report writing takes time), and four sequential drafts sent off to my lawyer friends who are effectively my client, I got an email today telling me to pause my writing while they catch up. I have one thing only to do vis-a-vis this case where they have many things and several experts to herd along the way. They asked me to go “pencil down” for the next two days until we can meet via Zoom to discuss the 25 pages I have written and the trajectory and style of what I am reporting. This is not an unusual step in the process. Litigators often wait to launch expert reports until they have just enough time to complete them and then we wrestle with how far in advance of the court’s due date they need the last draft so that I can refine it one last time before submission. I think it is 60% about simple expense management and 40% about lawyerly procrastination as they move forward towards the finish line. SO I have been put on pause and am sitting on my hands this morning…twitching ever so slightly.

I have convinced myself in the few minutes I have had to process this information, that this is a good thing for me. To begin with, I went yesterday to a Physical Therapist about my left hip. When I started my exercise and stretching program ten months ago, I identified my shoulders and right hip as my hot zones that I wanted to make hurt less. Both were waking me up at night every once in a while and I thought I could address them through exercise and stretching. Voila! After about four months, they both felt better and I was singing the praises of my program. Then, about five months ado, I started feeling a twinge when I stepped upward in my left hip. I did what we all do with aches and pains and just assumed it would go away by itself. After a few months and an increase rather than decrease in discomfort (especially while sleeping on my left side, which is the preferred side on which I tend to sleep). I Googled the symptoms and the sensation as best one can and concluded that I had some form of bursitis. That was reassuring, as only biased self-examination can be. But even with giving the hip more rest and buying a hip cold pack and heating pad (which I think I have used all of once), the pain in the hip persisted and started becoming a pain in the neck (figuratively, not literally). The damn thing barked at me every time I stepped up a step, making me look like a toddler going up steps right foot-by-right foot-by right foot – etc….

I have had occasional hip pains in the past. I recall my first one when I lived in Canada in 1990. I was single and banging around in a BMW 7-series, which was a sleek car, but one that had a fairly narrow foot well such that I had to keep my accelerator foot at an extreme angle. I could do that, but eventually I got a case of right hip pain. When I sold the car, the pain went away. Voila! Other things like that have happened and I even once spoke to Kim’s orthopedic surgeon (she had both knees replaced) and asked when someone should seriously check out a hip pain. He smartly said it should be once you felt the need to get a free consultation on that pain from your wife’s orthopedist. Very funny for a guy with a scalpel in his hand and a twinkle in his eye. Have I mentioned that I don’t trust orthopedic surgeons? I said that once to our neighbors and they informed me that their son was head of orthopedics at Stanford Hospital, whereupon I shut up and limped back across the room.

I do not want to go to an orthopedic surgeon for a consult on my hip. I feel that will go nowhere good and end up with be struggling to come out of anesthesia with a new titanium hip in me. I like having all original issue equipment and think its hard to find my correct size out in the world of prosthetics. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it for now. But my hip is bothering me and it has been five months or so since Google told me bursitis usually goes away in four to five months. So, I mentioned it to my stretch guy (they are all kinesiologists at Stretch-U and all want to head to PT eventually). He gave me the name of one he used and liked, so I called her up for an appointment. I had one in a day, so I went and got my evaluation yesterday. She happens to be the girlfriend of the manager of San Marcos Stretch-U, so perhaps I have wandered into the next conspiracy theory, but I liked what she said. She gave me a set of six exercises to do daily because she is convinced my problem is muscular and involves the Gluteus Medius (as opposed to Maximus, Minimus or Piriformis). It turns out your hip and butt are more complex than you think. She thinks just strengthening that muscle will make the pain dissipate.

I did all six of the exercises this morning and can feel that it is certainly making the affected area work, so hopefully she is right. This is giving me a chance to use my newly acquired and set up gym with its weights, weight bench, medicine ball, big sit-on ball and step-up platform. My office now looks like an office with a gym layered on top of it, which is exactly what it is. I feel good after one day and have done the obvious OCD thing of making an exercise spreadsheet, now with the first row completely X’d up. Way to go, Rich! Now let’s see if I can fill in some more rows between now and July 5th, when I am scheduled to see the PT lady again. Most of these exercises are isometric so they are right up my alley to do wherever I happen to be, including Virginia Beach next week. I have no excuse and if I don’t do it I relinquish my right to bitch about my hip.

We also have this big neighborhood party, which is now up to about 75 attendees. I am in charge of stocking up the beverages, setting up the tables and chairs, making sure the grounds are ship-shape (thanks to Joventino this week, that is mostly done, to be honest), and buying the Costco sausages, Mac & Cheese and bulk condiments. I plan to do all that between today and tomorrow before my lawyer friends get on my case for all the things they want me to revise and then release the Kraken to get the report to the next level. I fully expect to be juggling work and party and a summer park picnic concert at Coronado this weekend and trying to remember my hip workouts in between.

So, I have an artificially imposed pause that refreshes for two days and I plan to use them to write up a storm and put stories in the freezer, buy all the party food and generally gird my loins for the next series of life’s little battles.