Fiction/Humor Memoir

The Mouth of Truth

The Mouth of Truth

During high school, there were several “low hanging fruit” ways we would do what young men all over the world try to do, which was to meet young women. When you are an expat living in Rome you have several distinct advantages. The first is that there are a constant year-round flow of American young women traveling either with or without their families around Europe, and no trip to Europe is complete without a visit to Rome. Back in the 1960’s, American women were simply not prepared for the real Italian guys, who were anything but subtle in the manner in which they cruised young attractive women. In fact, they were so forward that most American young women were simply scared of the Italian guys, even though, in reality, most were rather harmless. But that was an opportunity for American guys familiar with the city and its ways.

There were two popular programs that we found most effective. The first and most creative was a summertime play at the steps of St. Peter in Vatican City. We would sit there waiting for the young women tourists who dressed as they might in the summer in their home towns with halter tops and short shorts. They had no idea that the Vatican guards (these are just the regular Italian guards who manage the crowds at the Vatican, not the famous Swiss Guards with the multi-colored uniforms) were trained and quite serious about not allowing tourists into St. Peter’s if they were improperly dressed. That translated into no bare shoulders and no short shorts. St. Peter’s is a major attraction and no one wants to be left outside of this iconic site while their more conservatively clad friends and family gained access. Our Deus Ex Machina was a light and non-descript sweater borrowed from our respective sister’s wardrobe and available to be lent to the fair damsels in distress. If you are wondering if we felt this might oblige these young women to spend some time with us, I will quote Jack Nicholson in As Good As it Gets when he says, “Is there any other way to look at it?” But it was the other approach I would like to divulge.

Do you remember the scene from Roman Holiday when Gregory Peck shows Audrey Hepburn the sights of Rome and takes her to La Boca Della Verita? Peck explains to Hepburn the legend of the large stone mask of Oceanus, the titan god of the sea, and then puts his hand into the mouth of truth and pretends to withdraw nothing more than an empty sleeve. Well, it seems almost every American girl traveling to Rome for her summer vacation vividly remembers that scene very vividly and wants desperately to find La Boca Della Verita, presumably to see if Gregory Peck is still there. The problem is that if you are not so familiar with Rome, it is like the scene of the Last Supper in the Old City of Jerusalem, it is very difficult to find. If you know Rome, its simply a matter of walking from the Capitoline Hill steps (the place where the famous Romulus and Remus suckling at the she-wolf) towards the Tiber until you get to the western end of the Circo Massimo and there you will find the church of Santa Maria in Cosmedin. Just off the sidewalk before entering the church you will find an open-air but covered antechamber where the Boca della Verita stands against a simple terracotta wall with a simple velvet rope in front of it.

Once again, we would sit on the Capitoline steps near the bottom an the western side where the tourists would pause to sort out how to get to La Boca della Verita. Bingo.

So the mouth of truth always held fond memories for me for no other reason that it reminds me of my youth in Rome and almost everyone has heard of it or seen it in film, but only a few have actually been there or even remember being there if they did go since it is such a forgettable spot once you have been there and done that.

As I have been progressing my Hobbit House project, I am at a point where I must deal with the fourth wall of the house. Saying that makes it sound very special, like I am piercing that veil with the audience or some such thing. The fourth wall is the southern wall, which is up against a large rounded boulder. My intention from the start of this project has been to incorporate the boulder into the Hobbit House in some way. Now that I am thinking about how to frame the wall around the boulder, I have started to wonder what I should do with the boulder that might be special. After all, this whole project is supposed to be a special whimsical experience. It is ostensibly for my granddaughters, but I will spend more time in that Hobbit House than anyone else.

Therefore, I have decided to try to replicate the mouth of truth on that boulder surface so that it becomes the dominant artistic feature in the house. in many ways, the Hobbit House is not so much smaller than the antechamber at Santa Maria in Cosmedin, so it feels right. I have spent time studying pictures of the stone mask and believe that the pronounced and worn look of the mask should make it easier to replicate. I have some stone chisels, a small heavy hammer, a Dremel with various grinding tips and a larger Milwaukee Tool grinder, which I have yet to try out. I think I am ready to test my stone carving capabilities, so I will start on the downhill, not-so-visible side of the boulder (I want to use the same stone since it is the best way to test how malleable that particular boulder will be).

This is how it works with me. I have an all-consuming project underway that is taking up most of my time and is the source of the bulk of my discretionary spending for the moment. Then I go off on a tangent and here I am, studying the history and the details of some ancient Roman relic and trying to figure out what instrument I can best use to craft a replica which will amaze and astound the visitors to my back hillside and my Hobbit House, which now stands with the foundation and framed walls (at least three of them), just waiting for my hidden stone craftsmanship to emerge. It won’t take me too long to figure out whether this is a workable sub-project of a fruitless distraction. A few flails at the chisels and attacks with the Dremel or grinder should tell the tale.

The grandgerms come for their visit in mid-April (90 days from now) and before then, Kim has invited the Hidden Meadows Garden Club over for a tour of our house and grounds. Let’s see just how crazy I can appear to be to those fine ladies by then. Everyone needs a mouth of truth on their back hillside, don’t you think?