This morning I spoke to my friend Steve, who lives in Phoenix. He mentioned that he and his wife Maggie have bitten the bullet and rented an apartment to move to starting in two weeks. He talked about the move less about not wanting the rigors of a large sprawling house and garage, and more about this being an opportunity to finally get a grip on downsizing and cleansing. Steve is of Scandinavian heritage (and looks it), and I’ll bet that on a recent trip he took all up and down the Baltic countries, he learned a lot about the “Swedish death cleaning” (or döstädning). It’s the practice of decluttering and organizing your belongings while you’re still healthy and able, so your loved ones don’t have to deal with a lifetime of accumulated stuff after you’re gone. The idea is to keep what brings you joy and is meaningful, while getting rid of excess. The concept includes going through possessions systematically, keeping things that matter to you and your loved ones, disposing of or donating things nobody will want or need, organizing important documents and information, and generally being thoughtful about what you leave behind in this world. It became popular after Margareta Magnusson’s book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” came out a few years ago. It is said that the process can actually be quite liberating – less about morbidity and more about living simply and intentionally in your current life, while also being considerate to family members down the road.
The interesting things that Steve said that tells me he and Maggie have a challenge ahead of them is that they are renting a 3-bedroom/3-bath, 2,000 sf place that has an enclosed 2-car garage, with availability for as many other car spots as needed. To start with, having lived for 15 years in NYC apartments with 1,700 sf or less and 2-bedroom/2-bath, Kim and I have assumed that when we do our final downsize, we will go for 1,500 – 1,700sf and only 2-bedrooms. We feel that’s adequate for us, and certainly less to keep up with. One of Steve’s passions is cars/motorcycles so the garage angle is interesting. To me, garages are like storage rooms…they are excuses not to cleanse. I also think that if I really want to keep a motorcycle when I get to that age (on the assumption that they take more agility and fine motor skills than car driving), I can pay a dealer to store my bike. As for cars, I believe our next move is to move to one vehicle for the two of us. I would be wary of a garage at that point of life. But then, Steve has less apartment and city-life experience than we do and is probably more automotively passionate than I am.
Kim and I are well-practiced in moving and downsizing regularly. Both our lives were about a constant series of moves. Since being together, we’ve moved primary residence three times and shut down three second homes. Even since being out here on a consolidated basis since 2020, we have taken more or less annual opportunities to downsize our belongings (especially clothing). To be fair, we probably are the people in the neighborhood who get the most Amazon deliveries (Rocket Money tells me we got 47 last month), so I can’t really pat myself on the back about yet living the “simple and uncluttered” life. My friend Mike has that down to a tee and its actually quite admirable, but I’m not sure that Kim’s shopping Jones or my impulsiveness would appreciate the Spartan existence that Mike adhere’s faithfully to. But we do very regularly unclutter and I feel like I am in somewhat of a constant state of döstädning. Recently, my weight loss program has led to me ridding myself of many items of clothing to the point where I am anxiously awaiting a new jacket I’ve ordered for our trip next week to the Christmas Markets of Europe. I actually have no other winter coats left now and may never buy another for all I know. We are fortunate to have Rosario, our housekeeper who comes weekly to do parts of the house that need deep cleaning. This is already a big reduction from our old program of a cleaning crew that came in weekly and did the whole house top to bottom. Rosario is a typical, hard-working immigrant who makes use of any and everything. No matter what we choose to shed, Rosario is happy to take it. Some of it is for herself or her family. Some of it she sends back to Mexico for her extended family. And some of it she just collects to sell at flea markets and yard sales. For some reason, I find that so admirable. She is a smiling and pleasant young woman who works diligently and is a real scrapper. Rosario is not the instigator of our döstädning, but she helps with it nonetheless.
I’m not sure why, but I think the Swedes are really onto something with their cleanse. It may be a “death cleanse” to them, and they may be doing it for all the reasons explained above, but I get such a good feeling from shedding stuff that I like to think it has less to do with preparing the world for your departure and more to do with enjoying the less is more way of life. Maybe I should write a book titled, The Joy of Cleansing…
It all started with The Joy of Cooking by Irma S. Rombauer – The classic American cookbook first published in 1931, still widely used today. That branched out into a whole array of self-help & philosophy books like The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche – about meditation and finding happiness and The Joy of Being Human by Robert Ornstein – about human consciousness and potential. Then there were all the books about hobbies like The Joy of Painting by Bob Ross – remember him with his famous TV drawing series and The Joy of Photography, a photography guide by none other than Eastman Kodak…even harder to remember them. There were also plenty of random other “Joy” books. There was The Joy of Mathematics, The Joy of Missing Out (about finding balance in a busy world), and The Joy of Movement (about exercise and well-being).
And finally, there was the most famous of the “Joy” books…The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort – the famous illustrated guide to human sexuality from the 1970s. It was presented as a comprehensive, illustrated guide to human sexuality organized somewhat like a cookbook (inspired by none other than The Joy of Cooking), with entries arranged alphabetically. It featured detailed pencil illustrations and was written in a non-judgmental, informative tone that was groundbreaking for its time. It covered a wide range of sexual topics including various sexual positions and techniques, foreplay and sensual activities, communication between partners, sexual experimentation and variety, and physical and emotional aspects of intimacy. It was revolutionary for its era – it treated sex as a natural, pleasurable part of life rather than something shameful or purely clinical. It became one of the best-selling sex manuals of all time.
But wait…there’s also The Joy of Less (about minimalism and decluttering). Luckily, cleansing is so much more than decluttering, right? The appeal of minimalism spans psychological, practical, and philosophical dimensions. It brings mental clarity and reduced stress (physical clutter often creates mental clutter). A simplified environment can reduce anxiety and help people feel more in control of their lives. The constant visual noise of too many possessions can be cognitively draining. I grew up in a “more is more” world, but am trying to become less of that and more “less is more”. The joy of cleansing is all about finding a path (let’s call that the “Mike Path”) so that when the day comes to downsize to a smaller place, like Steve and Maggie, I won’t feel the need for the extra bedroom, bathroom or garages. I’ll just call up Steve and borrow his cars or bikes or stay in his extra bedroom when heading to Phoenix.