Fiction/Humor

The Emerald Iguana

The Emerald Iguana

I manage to find some interesting places to stay when we travel. On a recent trip to Santa Fe I found this place called The Inn of the Five Graces. When we arrived it was a challenge to feel impressed since it was on a small side street and the rooms were spread across the street such that the bellman had to to walk us over to our room looking both ways. When we got in the room it was other-worldly. At first we thought it was southwestern style with lots of Native American (Navajo, Anasazi, etc.) artifacts. But when we went into the bathroom with all its intricate mosaic tile work on all the walls and ceiling, it suddenly had a Moroccan flavor to it. These desert cultures can be difficult to divine. We then found a book about the couple that owned the place and it seems they are well-known Santa Feans (?) who own an exotic middle eastern furniture and accessories store, Most of their stuff comes from Afghanistan. The pictures of the couple from the 1960’s make her look like the recently deceased Peggy Lipton of the Mod Squad and he looks like any of a thousand Afghan freedom fighters that would have been interviewed by Dan Rather in situ. It turns out he is from the Bronx and is a nice Jewish boy and she is a shiksa from New Canaan, Connecticut.

When I am about to travel to some place unknown to me, I do what everybody does, I use Google and type in Best Hotels in _______. That always begins by taking me to Trip Advisor. My wife, Kim, is a big fan of Trip Advisor and goes so far as to post comments on selections she makes for lodging, restaurants and tour guides. I go to trip advisor and get overwhelmed by a list of Super Saver offerings and a laundry list of places that seem anything but exclusive or best of breed. To be fair, hidden in all that visual detritus usually are a few good places, but Trip Advisor just doesn’t seem to be discerning enough for my sensitive travel palate.

There are times when I just want a good old Hampton Inn (is that today’s equivalent of Howard Johnsons or Holiday Inn?) where the bedding is comfortable and the rooms are clean. If they happen to have a makeshift breakfast buffet that some local lady comes in and sets up, all the better.

Usually, I want to feel a little special when I travel, but don’t want to take too big a risk or feel that I have thrown away too much money on an unnecessarily fancy place to sleep seven hours and brush my teeth. I am generally not staying a week, so I do not need a multi-room suite with a kitchen. A good roomy bathroom and a well cushioned bed and a view of a decent flat screen functioning TV will do me fine.

On our motorcycle trips we have a slightly more refined standard established over twenty-five years of riding together. Nonetheless, I am usually going to either places that we know very well (Shout out to The Lodge at Red Fiver Ranch in Torrey, Utah) or to places we have never been before or at least very often. Today we are in Ojai and I don’t think we have ever tried to secure lodgings in Ojai, California before. I have stayed in Cambria. I have stayed in Montecito (alas, the San Ysidro Ranch there burned in the latest wildfire, so that is not an option). But as much as Ojai has always been in my consciousness as a nice spot, I can’t remember ever booking anything here.

So, when I looked for a place to lodge for the night here I stumbled upon this place called The Emerald Iguana. It turns out its cousin is the Blue Iguana, which has been a part of Ojai for many years. But the Emerald Iguana is a fairly recent addition to the roster of lodgings in Ojai so you might not find it in your year-old GPS (mine didn’t have it), It’s set in a residential neighborhood, so its relatively hard to find. It is not a place you would naturally stumble upon (not unlike The Inn of the Five Graces in Santa Fe).

What the Emerald Iguana is is a boutique hotel with a collection of quaint cottages and rooms spread out across several acres of cutesy pathways and sitting areas (including a pool and hot tub). It is a fair approximation of the departed San Ysidro Ranch and the operative word here is quaint. We have been given a rather large casita for our overnight stay and yes, it has an unnecessary living room, dining room and kitchen in addition to the quaint bedroom, roomy bath and flat screen TV.

We will gather this morning in the smallish breakfast room, probably overwhelming the woman assigned to feed us by virtue of our group of thirteen, We will have a muffin or scone and then be on our way, having spent a brief but pleasant eighteen hours at the Emerald Iguana. We will have lightly used the facilities (at least two of us tried the hot tub), we will pay our bill and be on our way, remembering that if we ever come back to Ojai for any reason and want to stay a week, we know just the place to go.

Travel is a funny thing. We all want to be in familiar surroundings and comfort as best we can. There are specific things that matter to us like a clean room, nice toiletries, and a soft bed with just the right firmness. Beyond that, we like to feel like we have had a nice experience and are not just one of the traveling riff-raff at the highway motel. Some care less about all this than others, but everyone seems to appreciate a unique lodging find like the Emerald Iguana. I suppose I should write a nice bit about the place for Trip Advisor, but I know I won’t. I may be a writer at heart, but I am much less a contributor when it comes to collective sites like Trip Advisor. Maybe I want to keep my lodging find special and exclusive. But that is how boutique hotels fail, so best not do that. Did I mention that while I want special, I really don’t want to pay an arm and a leg for special? Therein lies the rub. We want these finds, we need these finds, but we want a bargain to boot.

Maybe we are asking too much of The Emerald Iguana. But then again, will we ever come back to spend a week in Ojai? Doubtful at nest. So, enjoy the place for another hour or two and hit the road. Be glad that there are still people willing to put together their hard-earned savings to start and run boutique hotels like The Emerald Iguana. Book there when you are in the area. Pay them a fair price that may be a bit of a premium for the nice experience. And then go find the next Emerald Iguana for the next trip.

1 thought on “The Emerald Iguana”

  1. If anyone is headed to Portland, Oregon, and is an adventurer like this bunch or you just want a very different hotel experience, look up McMenamins website. When I stayed at their ‘hotel’ Edgefield, 15 miles east of Portland, it was a eclectic place to say the least. It was built in 1911 as a work farm for indigent people who needed a hand up. I’m not sure when they bought it but they very basically turned it into a place to stay and enjoy. Most rooms then were in a dormitory fashion that meant you had to go to the end of the hall ( in a plush robe they provide) to a communal bathroom. You can get into the spirits (pun intended) of things very quickly at one of the 12 bars, pubs, on the property. It is one of the few places that has brewery, winery and distillery licenses in one location. They have updated it but 14 years ago they had two terrific restaurants on premises. The last time I stayed at their Kennedy School hotel where the rooms were basic classrooms split in half to create the rooms. The rooms do have their own bathrooms along with chalkboards and chalk and the other old fashioned accoutrements classrooms had. Again, two superb restaurants but only six or so pubs.
    Last I heard they had 42 brewpubs (counting the Edgefield and Kennedy School as one each) from Bend Oregon to Bothell, Washington, each with its own style of beer, ale or stouts. They also now have twelve hotels from a converted Elks Temple to a converted movie theater, to name a couple.
    They must know a bunch Of very talented artists and let them loose to paint whatever and wherever they wanted. Each door had a mural on it. Mine had a rabbit leaning on a bar, wearing a smoking jacket and a pipe in hand. Picture what ‘Harvey’ must have looked like to Jimmy Stuart. You definitely want a designated driver if you want to take this journey.
    Just a suggestion if you haven’t already heard about them.
    I am definitely going out to the Northwest again if only to make a trek from hotel to hotel.
    Sincerely, Thy Made Me Want To Start Drinking Again

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