The Disney Machine
Special Edition
To the many people who come to and love Disney every year, I cannot ignore the need to write about this iconic place that has become synonymous with American culture as I spend my one allotted day here. We got in last night at around 10pm after wrestling with the normal array of rental car and direction issues. We even kicked off our visit to the heartland by stopping at McDonald’s for a bite to eat on the way since there was no food to speak of on the flight from Atlanta…and there was no time in Atlanta for anything but a rush to the gate. That and the low-slung rental car that is challenging at best for me to get into and out of, made for an interesting 45 minutes from the airport.
To begin with, I was very surprised we were that far from the airport. I should have remembered that given the cheapness of this land, Disney has spaced itself out with a century or two of growth in mind. I guess they also figure that being distant from the Magic Kingdom just adds to the anticipation and that all makes the heart grow fonder as the excitement builds. Kim and I joked that with me juggling chicken McNuggets and the car wiggling down the road accordingly as we tried our best to figure out the directions (different on Kim’s phone from the GPS in the Road Warriormobile), this was getting to be like John Candy and Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. In fact, at one point when someone yelled at us that our lights were not on (how does that even happen?…my cars do that automatically), we just said “Thank you…how would they know where we are going?” and gestured like they were drunken sailors. I then turned on our lights.
We could tell we were getting close when we crossed under the massive across-the-road signage that declared that we were arriving into Wallyworld, I mean Disneyworld. Five exits later we finally got to our hotel exit. We drove up to the massive Las Vegas-like entry past the guard station where the man said in the best of Truman Show fashion to “Have a nice day and a nice stay!” The first good sign for a weary traveler was that they did have a valet station, which was appreciated though slightly unexpected. One of the things I do like about Disney is that they know their cost-conscious clientele and they also recognize that with their capital-cost-recapturing pricing, they had better emphasize self-service. I am basically as lazy a person as exists and I like being waited on as much as anyone on vacation, but my liberal egalitarian leanings make me appreciate that everyone should be allowed to enjoy a slice of the good life during their vacation and if that requires some self-service, that’s just fine. I used the valet anyway.
I prefer not using a bellman anyway, so getting to our room ourselves was fine by me…if only the desk clerk had given us proper directions. Image the young family in room 9048 wondering who was trying to get into their room with their room 0948. After sorting that out with a minimal amount of blood, we got to a nicely appointed room with nice soft pillow-top beds. Hats off to the hospitality industry fro recognizing that even the most vanilla hotel/motel room should have a comfortable bed rather than the styrofoam boards one used to find in roadside hostels. Soft beds, big flat screens with cable, lots of outlet plugs and a toilet that is not too close to the wall or shower is what the world wants in a hotel room and by-God they’ve all finally figured that out.
This morning I have found my way early to the large eating hall. That is simply what it is. Birthday boy Lennie has found me and we have loaded our trays with whatever suits us from the cafeteria. This resort caters to families and anyone who has travelled with kids and grandparents on scooters knows that one should not stand on table-waited ceremony fro breakfast or lunch. You can go for the white tablecloths at dinner if you want. I also notice that all the floors in this vast expanse of a hotel complex are unlike Las Vegas where carpeting is bought by the square mile. Here it is an eclectic blend of luxury vinyl flooring. They purposefully mix and match so that it looks less institutional, so someone paid some attention to the details and thought this all through.
Leave it to Disney to think everything through, test it out, change it, try it on a revised basis and work the problem until it perfectly suits the mood of the nation. They do a fine job of it. I see Lennie and his gang of camp followers working over their smartphones at the newest version of the Disney App that books and schedules their attraction visits. The gist of the commentary so far implies that they are not so happy with the new system, which means that the Apple iPhone receptors are buzzing that feedback into some underground bunker off on the other side of the swamp where all the techno-geeks are twisting dials and gathering Big Data on the client satisfaction status. That is the world we live in now so its not surprising that Disney is at the vanguard.
Lots of familiar names like Splash Mountain and Millennium Falcon are getting tossed around in anticipation of this ride or that thrill. Me, I have always treated theme parks the same way…find a nice shady bench and smile a lot. As the gang starts to gather and Kim is back in the room getting ready, I sense it is time to head back to gather my bench-sitting resolve. Now that the ever-startling Sydney Mayer had joined the breakfast club and reminded me to thank Betty for the Christmas Card, it is time for me to go. Please pray for me.