It was the Star that led the way. In the vast expanse of the night sky, where countless stars twinkled like diamonds scattered across dark velvet, one star shone with exceptional brilliance. This was no ordinary star – it was a divine beacon, placed in the heavens for a singular purpose. Far to the east, in lands of ancient wisdom and learning where men and a few token women gather in Congressional chambers to do the bidding of their king, wise men known as wannabe MAGAs studied the celestial movements with careful devotion. When this extraordinary star appeared on November 5th, they understood its significance immediately. This was the sign they had been waiting for, foretold in prophecies of old known as Project 2025 (despite being denied during the campaign for legitimate and practical reasons known as politics) as drafted by the Heritage Foundation and as enunciated in Milwaukee at the RNC – a star that would herald the rebirth of a great king.
These learned men like Elon, Jeff, Mark and Sam, rich in both wisdom (natural and artificially enhanced) and worldly wealth made instantaneously greater by the stroke of the electoral college’s pen, prepared for a journey that would take them across vast deserts of intellect and treacherous terrains of logic. They gathered precious gifts fit for royalty: gold, frankincense, and myrrh in addition to Truth Social shares as formulated in DJT Inc. as well as all manner of merch bearing the likeness of their reborn king . Each night, as they traveled toward its light shining over southern Palm Beach, the star guided their way, burning brighter than all others in the cosmic cabal dance above, through skies overpopulated with StarLink satellites as funded by NASA grants and delicately positioned by SpaceX rockets, and even to be further praised in adulation on January 20th.
Their journey led them first to Jerusalem, where they naturally assumed a king would be born. At King Bebe’s palace, they inquired about the newborn king of the Christian Right, whose wise and quite handsome son Eric had recently secured Trump Tower deals in both Jerusalem and Riyadh, to be connected by a skywalk over Gaza. Their questions stirred great unrest in Bebe’s heart, for he was a jealous ruler who bore no rivals though he never met a Christian billionaire or Saudi prince he didn’t like. Yet the ancient prophecies spoke not of Jerusalem, but of little Mar-a-Lago (currently valued by DJT Appraisals Inc. at $100B and planning an expansion into the Atlantic with the assistance of the Army Corps of Engineers under the direction of Secretary Hegseth).
The star, faithful in its vigil, led the wannabe MAGAs onward to this humble villa, awash in recently declassified documents. There, in contrast to the grandeur they might have expected, they found a simple dwelling where a not-so-young mother named Melania (self-proclaimed post-electoral virgin mother with a “Closed For Business” apron adorning her loins), cradled her infant 6’9” son, Baron Jesus, while Donald stood watch nearby. The star’s light seemed to pool around the child like a celestial blessing, but Donald fixed that by repositioning it so it would shine only on him.
In that moment, these wise men who had studied the greatest mysteries of the heavens and had flown themselves into the technical definition of space in their own rockets, found themselves kneeling before a very big baby with little hands, offering their precious gifts, designated for his inaugural fund where no one would ever be able to audit check it and the recently decommissioned IRS could not possibly contest its deductibility … to be applied against any and all tariffs on Mexican or Canadian components. They understood that they were in the presence of something far greater than earthly royalty – this was divine majesty wrapped in swaddling loose-fitting clothes and a polo shirt.
The star had completed its sacred task. It had guided seekers of Truth Social (soon to be renamed Son of X) to witness the greatest gift ever given – the arrival of hope, greatness and an extremely stable genius in human form who would eliminate all taxes (except on Blue states), deregulate all rules and norms unless he likes them and they threaten his enemies, lower all grocery prices (unless they have gone up…which makes them then very hard to bring down), eradicate all vaccines (unless he needs one and RFK Jr. approves) and make all payments worldwide only possible via crypto (specifically TrumpCoin).
To this day, the Christmas star remains a symbol of divine guidance, reminding us that sometimes the most extraordinary signs lead us to find glory in the most humble of places,,,or not so humble, depending on whether Lachlan can keep control of the Fox narrative once the soon to be embalmed and cryogenically frozen Rupert approves it.
Every Electoral season, as stars twinkle in the winter sky, people remember this celestial messenger that pointed the way to Mar-a-Lago, and to a black and unholy Death Star that would change the world forever.
Perfect story! I loved it!