The Blue Horizon
Life is about setting stakes out ahead of yourself and then fooling yourself into thinking that it’s a fun game to strive towards that stake. I chose those words quite carefully because all of those elements are at play. The operative words are Setting, Ahead, Yourself, Fooling, Thinking, Fun, Game, Strive, and Towards. When I was eight-years-old I got sent west by my mother with my childless aunt and uncle in their 1960 Buick to visit my father in California. The year was 1962 and we were living in Madison, Wisconsin. It was summer and I was at loose ends since YMCA day camp had ended, so I was up for an adventure. How bad could it be? Uncle John was a retired Navy NCO who was full of vinegar and “Geez” (his favorite expression). Aunt Kitty was exactly what you would expect to find in a 1942 Bronx USO Club, gum-snapping and all.
It got a bit bad in Iowa when a strawberry pop, drunk in the middle front seat between John and Kitty, did not sit well with me and ended up as a pink breakfast scramble in my lap. “Geez, God, geez…” “Stop it, John, the boy can’t help it, just pull over at the next Texaco station.”
Heading west in a fresh t-shirt and shorts, I was getting the stink-eye from John out of the corner of his eye as I sat on a damp towel. He decided we needed a car game to get my mind off my stomach. We didn’t like the interstates since Uncle John explained that’s where the cops hung out, so we were on long, straight westward roads that extended for miles to the horizon. The Nebraska terrain was flat but hilly (maybe wavy is a better description). Suddenly Uncle John said, “How far do you think it is to that hill up there, kid?” After a few frustrating back-and-forths over which hill he was referencing, I said two miles and he scoffed, saying it was at least five. Two miles later I looked up at him and he said, “What? It wasn’t that hill, it was that one up there. Geez, kid, pay attention.”
We repeated this game over the next 150 miles, John insisting that he had won each and every game. While Kitty sat filing her long nails, getting the nail dust all over my clean shorts, she just nodded and glanced sideways at John. “John, stop cheating on the kid.”
“What are you talking about, I spent 25 years at sea, you don’t think I know how to judge distances? The kids gotta learn some time. I’m just teaching him how it’s done. By the way, kid, you owe me 30 cents now.” He adjusted the crotch of his khakis and I gave him three dimes from my stash of Mercury dimes, taken from my collection of rare coins (the buffalo nickels would be the last to go).
I learned a number of lessons from that ride west, but the one I remember most vividly is about how hard it is to set a goal and then figure out where it is, where it was or where it went to. As I’ve gotten older, I played similar games with my kids driving back and forth to the beach on Long Island. Distance setting was not possible, so we estimated drive time. It was a completely fair game since I hardly ever adjusted my throttle foot just to suit my timing guess. Eventually my son caught on that I always won and refused to play, but my daughter was always happy to lose. So, we started guessing on shorter and shorter timeframes so there was less ability to manipulate. That kept the game interesting and kept my son just on the fringe of ever winning.
My kids are grown and I don’t have any occasion to drive my grandkids long distances, so I play the game with myself and my wife. Only now, the object of the game is to guess when we will move out to our retirement house in San Diego and leave New York City behind. My history suggests that the correct timeframe for estimating any big move is two years. If you say you will retire in two years you are effectively saying it’s anyone’s guess. If you say longer, it means you will likely never retire. Only if you start narrowing the range down to less than two years are you serious.
Recently, I got the lease renewal on our New York City apartment. We had sold our condo a few years ago to retain maximum flexibility and to capture what I saw as a market peak (mission accomplished). It offered a one year and a two year renewal option. I am still working, currently as a CEO of a start-up that has all the normal uncertainties of the genre. That lease renewal package came just at a moment of high funding uncertainty. We solved the problem by deferring salaries to differing degrees. I’m a big believer that the General eats last, so I deferred 100% for the seven months of presumed maximum uncertainty. While I starred at the lease renewal I saw four options; don’t renew and move west, renew for two years, renew for one year, or ask for a shorter renewal.
In this day and age, physical location is less concerning that it used to be. Our company has 11 people in NY and 15 in Scotland. Of the 11 in NY, three work remotely for the majority of time. I could conceivably still do the job from my home out west, with, admittedly, more travel, but it could be done. Also, as the CEO, I have far more flexibility since my work is more strategic and, quite frankly, they can’t easily replace me (especially at zero current cash compensation).
So, my wife and I agreed to request an eight month lease renewal and it was granted on a one-time basis (another renewal would have to be for twelve months). What does that mean? I just picked a hill. We will know a lot more about the state of the company in seven months. I can renew for another year at that time if I want. I can move and work remotely. I can move and try it all on for size and can always move back.
Retirement is a scary move for many reasons, but we all face it sooner or later. We have decided to move it sooner than it ever has been before. We still have lots of optionality. But we did put a stake out there and it is fairly short term. It’s been a game to think about this, but now it’s for real, if not for keeps. I don’t know if I’m now Uncle John, thinking I can gauge distance better for my “years at sea”, but at least I have the blue horizon in my sights.
OMG, that hill is so close.
My wife and I are both disabled. You would probably not notice it from looking at us. As Billy Crystal used to say “It’s not how good you feel, it’s how good you look !” Almost everything is internal except for my right leg being weaker due to nerve damage in my lower body. Falling over is not all that uncommon and sudden unintended detours while I’m walking means my shoulders have become familiar with every door-jam and corner in the house. We don’t drink but sometimes when we are out to dinner (we’re always ‘out to lunch’), as I stand I’ll lose my balance and have to grab my chair while flapping my other arm to regain my balance. I am not embarrassed because it is a daily occurrence, though others watching my involuntary show may think I’m drunk off my keister. So what. Otherwise our ailments are unseen things like fibromyalgia, cancer, four back surgeries (two each… and counting), arthritis, and yada yada yada. Why in hell am I bringing our problems up ? It’s because both of us were forced to retire early. It’s a tough transition and also a hit to the ego. Why the ego? Because I cannot fully admit that I am not in total control of my own body! No matter what my body or my doctors say. So I still stubbornly do things I shouldn’t just to show them. Thank God for naproxen. Throw planning for retirement out the window since it just showed up at our front door without an invitation!
We bought our condo on the gulf side of Florida 16 years ago to snowbird it. We love it because we are on the beach and, due to the way the intracoastal bends, we are able to have a dock across the street where I keep my kayak. Our building is only four units and we got lucky neighbors-wise. Then five or six years back we sort of had to think exactly as Rich is. We hemmed and hawed but at least (unfortunately) we didn’t have the job element issues he has. Finally three years ago we had to make the decision and we are now true blue Floridians (a political reference for you Rich). What to do? We hated to sell our house of 39 years but the cold weather and ice are uncomfortable and, more importantly, risky for us.
Here is the crux for us on this issue after my long preamble. Our children and grandchildren are ensconced in the NYC area. Our daughter was recruited back to the teaching hospital where she had been chief resident. She is in the Somerville area of NJ and, when she bought her house, proclaimed she was never moving again. Her younger brothers live in Lyndhurst NJ and Brooklyn, NY. They both also have no plans to move out of the area.
That all translates into not being able to visit them and our five grandchildren very much. They are what delayed our call to permanently living here in ‘Heavens Waiting Room’, as our youngest refers to it. FaceTime is handy but hugs are light years better. 1200 miles is a long way away and I tell our children that if they truly loved us they would move down here. I’m not serious of course but it always gets a reaction from my lovely bride, which is it’s real target anyway and the kids know it too.
So we go north for a couple of months in the summer and thanksgiving through Christmas. Still not enough. This summer we are taking them to Disney World for a week. Rich shows the real world to his daughter, our oldest son and their two beautiful girls and we show them the fake one. So far it works.
If we had our druthers we would still live most of the year up there. It’s different for everyone. But those were our given set of reasons to wrestle with which more or less made the call for us. Then, again, as happened when our children started college and part-time jobs, the grandchildren are getting into more and more activities. That limits the visiting windows. So perhaps living here isn’t altering things too much after all.
As they say ‘it is what it is’.
Sincerely, No Blue Hair Yet