Memoir Retirement

The Basic Basics

The Basic Basics

This morning while showering, i started thinking about the difference between things we need and things we want. Let’s start by admitting that we all in this country are blessed by abundance and have pretty much all that we need at all times. It was Abraham Maslow, who in his now famous 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation”, established what we now know as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It may just be me, but I think about Maslow and his theories an inordinate amount, so I suspect his seminal work on this subject is actually a very big part of what we all must consider and think about, especially as we age. Maslow defined eight levels in his hierarchy and put them into a pyramid form to correctly depict the most enduring compositional form of human well-being. The theory goes that we must all take care of our needs from the bottom up and can only advance to the highest levels of human existence if we have properly built our base. Those higher levels are a bit ephemeral and tricky since they describe the higher states of being that we all tend to aspire to (whether we know it or not). At the top is transcendence, which I suppose means we are all headed for some sort of ethereal plane from which we can overlook the universe. That’s far too spiritual for my simple mind to grasp, so I just accept it on faith. The next level down in self-actualization, which starts to make more sense to me. I suspect that this is where retirement resides. It’s all about doing what you want to do when you want to do it, regardless of what that might be. Perhaps people who get thrust into retirement before handling the levels beneath this get lost and become uncomfortable. That makes some sense. Below that there is the aesthetic. I guess that means that we must all find our sense of beauty in the world, whether through art or prose or gardening. Below that is the cognitive, which I presume is the zone that separates us most from the other beasts of the earth. Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. It’s unclear what you are supposed to think about since you have yet to get into the aesthetic or self-actualizing areas, but let’s assume there are meaningful things you can and do ponder that keep you from barking like a dog.

The next two layers have to do with esteem and belonging and love. Since my analysis suggests that Buddy plays in this space, I find myself admitting that they are, indeed broadly enough categories to accommodate the pooches of the world. Buddy, at 5.5 pounds needs to feel like a big dog. He certainly possesses a need for esteem and he spends most of his time as high up on furniture as he can to look down on the rest of the world, convincing himself that he possesses such esteemed status. Dogs are also pack animals as we know many other species to be. Buddy wants first and foremost to be part of our family unit of three. We are his family. But when he goes to day care, there are other dogs and he stops whining about separation before he gets among them so that they all know he considers himself as also belonging among them. As for love, you only have to meet Buddy first thing in the morning to realize that he has to start his day knowing that Kim and I love him. If only that sweetness lasted the entire day…

Now we are down to the base layers of the pyramid, what I would call the basics. They are safety and physiological needs. Safety is actually a very complicated realm because it has everything to do with perceived threats and that means it goes beyond actual, active dangers and moves into the head game of what we think might happen that would threaten us. We are in an interesting time for that issue because the topic of existential threats abounds, perhaps even more so during the current NATO summit. The historical recitals remind us that on this, the 75th anniversary of NATO, we have had a relatively peaceful world during that timeframe and that local skirmishes like Korea, Vietnam, the Balkans, Iraq/Afghanistan, Ukraine and even Gaza have been at least somewhat contained and decidedly not global. It is said that the NATO alliance has created the most lasting peace the world has ever known. I imagine some Palestinians or Cambodian Killing Field residents might have a hard time seeing that, but it is at least something to take pride in. In America today, we are of many minds as to where safety resides. I see it in a society devoid of guns, my friend Kevin believes he must have an assault rifle and a dozen full clips to feel safe.

But let’s get down to the basic basics, which are defined as our physiological needs. I’m going to skip food and water, not because they are not as basic as anything, but because they are a topic unto themselves. What’s left is shelter, and that is a topic that does need exploration. I am particularly proud of my home on this hilltop. What gives me a lot of that pride is that we have chosen a home that is only 3,700 sf (which by today’s upper middle class standards, is not large and not small) and is all on one level. That not only makes it convenient for not having stairs to climb (a big issue with aging adults), but it also makes it a sort of rambling estate. From the downhill side, the house looks positively palatial on its perch. From the front, it has a presence, but its spread out nature makes it deceiving as to what is entailed in it. That makes it more interesting. Some of Kim’s singing friends who are more of the workaday crowd, think we live on veritable estate and that we must be very wealthy. I had one Garden Club member ask me during a tour of the lower gardens if I kept six gardeners busy full time. So, this 2.5 acres lot and house are a wonderful blend of the grand and the relatively economical. If you look on Zillow, a notably inaccurate measure of value, but at least ubiquitously consistent, I can look at the homes of all three of our siblings that live in California. They are all valued more or less at the same level, even though we would all probably agree that our house appears to be somehow more grand. To me, that says that we got very lucky in choosing it, not just because it has great views or is so well set, but because it lives bigger than it really is, and seems more grand that it probably deserves to. I like that positioning. It suits my sensibilities for some reason and makes me think it works well for us.

I know we will one day abandon our hilltop for a place that we can care for more easily, so what are the elements that are most basic and necessary? We start with a wonderful King-sized bed that is both firm and yet very soft in its pillow-top. Sleep is essential. I would then progress by saying that a good bathroom with separate sinks and a really fine and roomy shower are a top priority. Next is a decent-sized closet that does not aggravate us for lack of space and access. That takes care of 65% of our needs. Then there is a sitting room with a big TV and a decent-sized desk. We mostly eat in front of the TV, so I would dispense with the dining room. An efficient kitchen that allowed for the preparation of smaller and smaller meals and yet gave Kim some ability to do things like bake, would be important. A small table for four would suffice. Everything beyond that is a nice to have. Guest rooms and entertainment space (kitchen, dining or living) are a luxury and could in theory be accommodated by common space that gets shared with others. What I think I just described is an upscale nursing home, and that may be the real point of all this. As we toddle through our lives, don’t we need less and less? Aren’t we all eventually reduced to the basic basics?