Take a Deep Breath
I have been 70 for a long time. I don’t know what it is about me that wants to rush my aging, but it has been almost a year now that when asked my age I have said that I was 70. The truth is that I will turn 70 officially in 30 days. Last night when we watched the ball drop in Times Square, for one reason or another they showed on the screen in colorful numerals 1954, 1964, 1974, 1984, 1994, 2004, 2014, 2024. For the first time I actually felt like I was really 70. In fact, yesterday, Kim and I finally talked about what we would be doing on my birthday this year. She asked if I wanted to go away for a short break and I said I would rather not since my friends and family would still want to celebrate in some way and that we would just be promoting some confusion and delayed celebration. So we decided we would invite a few friends and family over for a simple gathering and party. I would ask that in lieu of gifts they make a donation to their favorite charity on the presumption that I simply don’t need more stuff in my life at this point. That somehow felt like a relief since I neither wanted to have some extravaganza of a celebration nor did I want to be so obvious as to refuse any celebration. Keeping it simple and above board seemed the lowest key approach.
But when you celebrate a milestone birthday like this it does cause you to wonder whether it is your last milestone or whether you will be around to celebrate your 80th. I tried to shuck that off but realized that even if that was too dramatic for someone in reasonably good health in the developed world, if I did get to 80, I would certainly wonder at that time if that was my last milestone birthday. Google tells me that two thirds of us get to 80 and one third get to 90. That is far too much of a generalization, I know, but it feels more or less correct. I’m pretty sure that I am, at very least, in that age range where quality of life is more the focus than quantity of life. And the truth is that I feel I have a very high quality of life right now. I can still get around as I wish and I don’t think anything of riding my motorcycle when I want or driving my car at night or on the highway (something that I see others my age starting to avoid). We get on a plane and fly when and where we want even though we are constantly saying we want less of airports (especially the NYC kind) and feel less and less the need for travel for travel’s sake. I’m glad to say that I think I have a few fewer aches and pains when I wake up in the morning since I began my training, swimming and stretching six months ago. So, in general, I feel pretty good.
I am also happy to still have my professional capabilities somewhat in demand through my expert witness work. that has the dual benefit of making me feel as though I am still somewhat vital and useful and it allows me to see someone feeling like they want to pay me for my efforts. Both of those are very helpful to the overall sense of well-being that we need to have a good quality of life. I am quite fastidious in keeping track of my hours spent on billable work and how that translates into money in my pocket. Technically, I am not required to withdraw funds from my retirement plan until I am 72 since they have slightly advanced that from the original 70.5 age threshold, but it is on my mind more and more since there is the psychological reduction to our pool of money due to the 20% withholding requirement. We are allowed to ride with our tax-deferred pool of retirement funds, looking at the bigger number and ignoring the tax consequences until we actually withdraw the funds voluntarily or mandatorily. These things come to mind more and more these days as One reaches their seventh decade.
The primary colors of life start to come through more and more at this age and they are very clearly, an probably in this order, health, relationships, purpose and money. I’m not sure how that exactly relates to what they say are the three components of life, body, mind and spirit. Health is clearly body, but mind and spirit seem pretty vague or general spread between relationships, purpose and money. In fact, some should say that money relates mostly to body, but I’m not so sure that is true. I feel aging in all three or four components, however you choose to think of them, but it is not yet in the extreme. My debilitation is not so great in any of them to cause me concern. But, is you operate on the die-broke concept as I tend to think is appropriate (since we are all, by definition, going from dust to dust), there is a depletion process underway in all of the components and it would be foolish to not focus some attention on that process.
This is where I get into the deep breathing part of my thought process. When I am getting a massage or getting stretched and there is a particularly tight or troubling spot in my myofacial complex, I know that breathing deeply works wonders in alleviating the pain I am feeling. We all have thoughts of death from the youngest ages. I remember my oldest son first coming to the realization that he was mortal when we passed a dead deer by the side of the road and he followed the “everyone dies” discussion sequence from grandma to mom and dad, eventually to himself. It was a palpable moment that I remember well. We tend to put thoughts of death out of mind in order to get the most out of life and that is a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do. But thoughts about the depletion of one’s essence is a bit more challenging to ignore at all times the older you get. We are less able to wall off the thoughts as we do with death. Death may be final, but it is also somewhat peaceful assuming we do not see something dramatic in the passing. But depletion feels more serious and a greater cause for concern. Different people have organized their lives so that their components deplete in different ways and paces and that means that their concerns are focused on different things.
It is unclear which is the more serious, undue or advanced depletion of body, mind or spirit. Kim and I have joked about which of us will fall apart physically or mentally and the value of that be one of our Yin/Yang opportunities for partnership. I think that all three can ebb and flow and at moments body, mind or spirit can feel more critical than the others, only to have things reverse when you least expect it. The circumstances of life most often bring about these shifts and there is sometimes simply nothing that we can do about it. Once again, this is where taking a deep breath comes in handy.
Today is the first day of 2024, the year I finally actually turn 70 years old. It is a typical San Diego day from what I can tell, perhaps a bit more overcast, but then again, a bit clearer as well. I can see the ocean and the mountains clearly and there was a somewhat reddish sunrise, implying some inclement weather in the air. But average San Diego January weather calls for a high a 66 and a low of 50 and today shows as a high of 64 and a low of 44, so not so very different. It won’t be too warm, but then again it won’t be too cold either. The only things on my agenda are a stretch and swim session and a plan to take down the remaining outdoor lights down at the driveway entrance and up around the shadesail. Since it is technically a holiday and I am caught up on my expert report work for the moment, I doubt I will be billing any hours today. I could think about my New Year’s resolutions, but I think instead I will just decide to solve all the problems of my world by taking a deep breath.