During the day, I sometimes hear phrases that catch my attention. That happened yesterday while watching a special about the life and times of Linda Ronstadt. I don’t even remember the context, but when she said in an interview, “sometimes I wish I didn’t”, it stuck with me. Linda got Parkinson’s somewhere along the way and it affected her ability to sing. She last performed on stage in 2009, when she was 63. She was one of the most iconic performers of her era with hits like Blue Bayou, You’re No Good, Someehere Out There, Desperato and many more. She was every guy my age’s heartthrob with her dimpled angelic face and tussled dark hair. Sometimes I wish I didn’t miss seeing her ever in concert. But the truth of the matter is that u til I got older and realized who I really liked as performers (Billy Joel, Elton John, Meatloaf, etc.), I didn’t see many of my favorites in concert at all. I did just happen to see Cat Stevens in Cleveland in 1971 before anyone knew who he was, but that was a fluke. I just wasn’t the music-focused young guy that many others were in my era. But Linda Ronstadt was pretty special and always caught my attention, even back then.
I genuinely enjoyed every moment of my life and literally have no regrets, which is why the expression “sometimes I wish I didn’t” is so foreign to me and I can only connect to it by mentioning regrets I have for things not done rather than for things done. The “No Regrets” philosophy recently made famous by the Milky Way commercial with the tattoo recipient who gets distracted by his candy bar, is not a recent thought on my part. I’ve said for years that I don’t believe in having regrets. It seems like such a waste of psychic energy since it changes nothing, reinforces negative mindset, sets the stage for decision hesitation and generally gives off an unpleasant vibe to those around you.
Being sorry about something you may have done or acknowledging and being accountable for your mistakes is a very different thing than declaring regret. The former is a positive step because it seeks to heal damage done (inadvertently or on purpose) to others or take responsibility. The latter is just another version of feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self-recrimination.
I’m currently on a motorcycle trip in Death Valley. I’ve been here several times before. I’ve been organizing motorcycle rides with friends since 1995 (even before that if you include trips taken as far back as high school). I regularly tell myself that I’ve done it enough and don’t want to keep doing it…and yet here I am doing it some more. As frustrating and burdensome as it has been at times in the past, after I’ve done it again, like after a day like today, I’m always glad to have done it. There is certainly something fulfilling in staying active, especially at an age when others are gearing down and doing less. Knowing that I can still lead a group of motorcycles through a long 400-mile day like today’s ride into Furnace Creek is inspiring. Just doing it feels good, but organizing it, leading it and doing it seems even better to me. It makes me proud of myself in a small way. Many could do what I do, but most choose not to do it. It always surprises me that people are so hesitant to take the reigns and lead. Some wonder why they should. I wonder how they can not want to. It’s a fundamental difference in perspective.
I have likened it before to the infantryman that chooses to walk point for his squad. It’s impossible to justify rationally using any models of social behavior or economic reasoning. The cost/benefit does not support the activity…quite the opposite. When asked why the corpsman walks point he responds that it’s “what I do…I walk point, man!” Donald Trump notoriously asked his Chief of Staff John Kelly, while viewing Kelly’s son’s grave marker, why he would do it, what was in it for him and that it was a sucker move. I’m sure Kelly would agree that you either get it or you don’t. Trump didn’t get it. Kelly and his son did.
There is certainly something appealing about a retirement life in repose. We all seek some degree more of comfort as we age. St very least, we prefer not to put ourselves is distress or u comfortable positions. But that’s when I need to remind myself of that great scene from the movie Parenthood, when the grandmother explains that when she was a girl, some people used to like riding the merry-go-round. She says she preferred the thrill of the roller coaster. She figured one just goes round and round while the gives you more for your money. That turns out to be a wonderful philosophy of life that I’ve made sure to embrace. It’s the corollary to No Regrets. A corollary is a conclusion or result that follows naturally and almost automatically from something already proven or established, requiring little or no additional proof. Think of it as a “bonus conclusion” that comes along for free once you’ve established the main point. In math, if you prove a theorem, a corollary is an additional truth that falls out of it without much extra work.
In life, if you operate with no regrets, your bonus conclusion is that, like the ride on the roller coaster, you just end up getting more for your money. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy and positive attitude that sheds a glow that others can sense and appreciate being around. And that becomes an outcome I do not recall ever finding myself saying…sometimes I wish I didn’t. I doubt Linda Ronstadt regrets many of the bold moves she made in a career noted for bold artistic moves. I guess that means I’ll probably organize a few more motorcycle rides before I’m done. I’m off to take a clinical dose of Advil now so that I can enjoy my next 300 miles of riding.