Scripto Ergo Cogito Ergo Disco Ergo Sum
Rene Descartes started it all in 1637 in his Discourse on the Method, which most scholars consider his seminal philosophical work. I have amended it to read (in Latin), I write, therefore I think, therefore I learn, therefore I am. My default activity these days is to write. I know this especially now because I am finishing a ten day trip to New York and Italy and I have spent my time writing up a storm. In addition to doing the fourth revision of a manuscript which started at 160,000 words, was reduced once to 147,000 words, revised once again to 97,000 words and, after this most recent edit, is down to 82,000 words. I am so familiar with that document, first written by me fully four yers ago, that I was able to absorb all of the latest editor’s comments and directions and do the slimming-down edit in 24 hours. Practice makes perfect, but it also makes for speed. I have also rewritten twice, an expert report for an assignment. That report now sits at 52 pages and I am destined to spend much of my next flight doing what I hope will be the last revision. In addition to al of that, I have written another seventeen or so of these blog stories. They average 1,300 words and I am now seven days in advance on my publishing, so that was like writing another 20,000 words.
Why do I do it? Obviously I like writing, but the main reason is that writing is the best way I know how to keep my mind actively engaged and thinking. Every story I write involves some amount of research and I learn new facts and refine others every moment that I am writing. That alone is a powerful motivator to write. Learning is the essence of life to my thinking. I would argue that it may be why we exist. Thus, I have evolved Rene Descartes’ famous philosophical foundation to Scripto Ergo Cogito Ergo Disco Ergo Sum. I write, therefore I think, therefore I learn, therefore I am. And when I travel I am forced into bursts of activity in the form of walking long distances in airports and walking around sights or ancient ruins, but mostly I have lots of down time in airports, hotels, and airplanes. The objective in airports these days is to stay calm and carry on. The frustrations are easy to find and hard to avoid, but they are controlled through force of will and there is no better calming activity for me than to be actively engaged in thinking, learning and writing. It is what keeps me sane.
This morning I am sitting in the JFK Jet Blue terminal waiting for my flight home to San Diego. According to the ticket, I have 30 minutes until boarding, when I will cocoon myself in my solo Mint seat with its little door that separates me from the rest of the world and planeload of travelers. I have nothing against any of them, but I must admit that I do better at staying calm and satisfied if I can isolate myself and get into my head by writing. It is a wonderful travel prophylactic and requires only an iPad and a brain (internet optional, but optimal). I have gone through a surly security pre-screening where I had to prove twice that I was TSA pre-approved (that kept me in my shoes) and the only item I lost during the process was one errant, fairly new Chapstick, which I promptly replaced at the nearest Hudson News stand. This trip has really reminded me of the ignominy of travel in today’s world. We have to protect ourselves from terrorists and now from terrorist germs. We are expected to keep ourselves in check at all times and just grin and bear it, which is doable, but takes a gradual toll on our peace. I am less convinced than ever that traveling more is a thing we (meaning just Kim and me) should aspire to.
We have both travelled a lot in our lives. I might even say that I have been more places and seen more things than I either deserve or are necessarily good for me. This trip to New York and Italy has given me even more mixed feeling on the subject. Italy was lovely, but nothing I saw was new and there are only so many benefits to refreshing old memories. Everything in Rome feels familiar and while I enjoy my memories, they now blend into an amalgam of high school, early adulthood and my most recent visits with my kids and Kim. I find myself feeling like I have been around this track enough. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, it just means that I may not need more of it. I found myself thinking that this might be my last trip back to Italy, not with any specific or immovable resolve, but with the vague notion of “why bother?”
My feelings about New York City are even more stark. I spent forty-five years working there when I expected to spend less than five. I lived in the suburbs of Long Island for thirteen of those years. I spent two of them technically living in Toronto, but still thinking of New York as my “home”. I had the opportunity to live three years in Staten Island and one year in Queens as my Outerborough stints. And I spent twenty-six years living in Manhattan in what amounts to seven different homes. My thinking about living in Manhattan was crystallized yesterday as we had lunch with our friends Ann and Chris and went after lunch to see their new Tribeca triplex condo that they own but have not yet renovated and started to live in. This was no small place, but rather a significant town home that they bought from that quintessential Broadway and Silver Screen performer, Nathan Lane. The vestigial design remnants made me feel weary with the thought that all grand designs eventually fade and get tattered, no matter who you are. The real weariness seemed to come with the thought of having to tackle a New York CIty renovation project in the downhill part of life.
Our recent visit from our Bay Area friends was another reminder that everyone is always looking for the perfect new living arrangement and that the older you get the less attractive it is to contemplate yet another renovation project. I know some people suffer that task better than others and that some even relish the task, but there seems to be several universal truths. First there is the fact that the grass always looks greener elsewhere and that everyone is always trying to figure out the perfect place to perch for their final chapter. The second is that few people want to spend what time they have left arguing with contractors and making excuses for delays. Everyone would rather just sit back and enjoy themselves in their repose.
So, that is what I do and how I solve these problems. I love our hilltop home and refuse to imagine the day when it will be either too much for us or we can no longer afford or abide by the maintenance thereon. In the meantime, I prefer to spend as much of my time there as I can. Travel is a wonderful thing, but it has certainly gotten harder in this new world (I suppose that accounts for the increase in private jet travel). I have also done enough travel to enough places that my bucket list is pretty close to empty and I don’t really feel too compelled to travel. That does not mean I wont do some, just that I am less and less driven to do so. And the last important point, now that we are on the runway and ready to take off, is that my escape these days is the escape into the recesses of my mind. The best door to that part of my brain is through writing. Scripto ergo cognito ergo disco ergo sum.