Post-Pandemic Parenting
I am sitting here in the most bucolic of spots on my deck in Ithaca. The view across my pool in this bright sunshiny June morning (73 with a high predicted of 78) makes this a pretty ideal place to hang out under the awning and umbrella shade. To take a moment to describe the scene, the pool is surrounded by a substantial white picket fence (as is the deck a few feet higher up) and there are both trees and flowers planted in pots and small pads of earth inside the enclosure. Outside, on the periphery, there are lovely flowering shrubs which grow slightly higher than the four foot fencing. On the far side of the pool there is a pergola that has another shade awning and that pergola is covered by wisteria vine that has grown lush and full over the last twenty-five years (in fact it probably needs some thinning). Beyond the pool area there are other nearby and far away trees, the most notable of which are the two willows on the adjacent 9th hole of the Cornell Golf Course (a Robert Trent Jones course of some note since he was a Cornell student and this was his second golf course commission back in 1941). Since the back nine of that golf course is behind me over on the other side of Warren Road, my only distraction from my ponderous countryside view is that the cars do wiz by on Warren Road, but that just adds that touch of reality and civil society that makes this a real rather than imaginary place.
Having this place for twenty-five years, as I have, I am thinking about it so much right now for two reasons. First, we are here for three weeks to spend time with my children and other friends (both those living here in Ithaca and those with the occasion to travel through). And then there is the longer term issue of this home. In the last few days I have debated what to do with the place going forward. Since it is a leasehold from the University that has 74 more years to run, I have to decide whether to carry on with it (paying taxes and doing upgrades and heavy-duty maintenance) or cede it at some point to the University. The issue is less about whether I want or need the place, though I am enjoying it in these near-perfect conditions right now. The issue is whether my children want to continue to bear the cost and hassle of the place after I am gone or ostensibly gone (as in drooling in some corner of an assisted living home).
These are not simple issue and it is probably not so wise to decide it in totality while I am sitting here in perfect summer weather with birds chirping and a light breeze blowing. However, it is equally not smart to be too clinical sitting out in California making decisions about some far-away spot that is just a series of debits to my savings accounts. I have thought of this moment for fully twenty-five years and now finally have enough information to make a decent (unlikely to ever be perfect) decision. To begin with, all three of my children have enjoyed this place and all three matriculated at Cornell for college. One did not choose to continue and graduate (Roger), one had a challenging last year with a mud-wrestle with the University Judicial Administrator (not an issue of his making, but troublesome nonetheless), and the third had a normal run through college here. All three have married or are likely to marry fellow Cornellians, or in the case of Roger, is married to Valene who grew up in Dryden, the adjacent town, and attended SUNY Binghamton. My two granddaughters spend most of the summer up here swimming in the pool, to the point where this place is their summer memory reality. And a fine set of memories this property holds for all of us (except maybe for Roger, who has mixed feelings about the place at best).
In the course of the last few days I have come to a conclusion. This place is simply too much a part of my life and the life of my children to not keep it going. So that is what I will be doing. I am meeting with the Dean at the Johnson School next week to make a proposal for continuing the inhabitance through my children’s lifetime on the condition that they maintain it financially and physically as I have, and still make it available for use by the school for events when they wish. I will toss in the sweetener of giving them title in perpetuity to the stone/copper life-sized outdoor Socrates statue for use and display by the school whenever this lease arrangement by my family should end. That statue alone has enough value to make it a worthwhile donation to the school. There would be little or no value to the school to take ownership of the property given the tax and upkeep costs relative to the rental value (Ithaca, as a college town, has a plethora of rental properties in the competitive mix).
It has taken a pandemic and a forced absence for the better part of two years for me to realize several important things about this home, which I have named Homeward Bound. I have learned that in retirement, it might be a wonderful spot to spend a part of each summer so that I can see my East Coast kids and friends more easily. I have learned that having a domestic East Coast venue for gathering with my children and their children is also something of high value to all of us. I have come to realize how important Homeward Bound has become to my children (save perhaps Roger), and by extension, to me and Kim.
My guess is that the pandemic has forced many people all over the world to reexamine their lifestyles and their life choices. Some are moving from urban to exurban existences because remote working has proven to be so doable. Many are recognizing the renewed importance of family and therefore the gathering places that work best for their families. I know off at least one couple who have swapped homes and towns in Florida to be closer to their children rather than to be closer to some arbitrary “scene” that they might otherwise have sought out.
Other than New York City, which is not a place (in my opinion) that lends itself to retirement and family gathering, there is no place I have spent more time in my life than Ithaca. That legacy has continued down to my children and I can trace it back to my mother and grandfather. So Ithaca is where my heart resides, as I have said before. But now I also know that in the context of good post-pandemic parenting decisions, I can count on Ithaca being the best possible venue for my family to spend whatever time it can and wants to spend together in one place. Summertime Ithaca is second to none as a place for such gathering and Homeward Bound says it all simply by the choice of the name.