Porca Miseria

Porca Miseria

Corado is our doorman.  I am always friendly to doormen, but generally not too friendly or chatty, because it tends to slow me down as I try to breeze past on the way to my day or on the way in to my sofa.  But things have taken a different turn with Corado.  He is about my age and of Italian descent (first generation immigrant).  He has a thick Italian accent.

Six months ago, someone in the building put a note under everyone’s door asking for donations for Corado since his wife had been diagnosed with cancer and had to undergo extremely expensive treatments.  This struck me as very sad, so I gave a rather large amount and Corado somehow was apprised of that.  He stopped me in the lobby one day and thanked me profusely.

I lived in Italy for three years in my youth, so I speak Italian with a pretty decent accent.  Truth be told, unless I am in-country and using the language a lot, my vocabulary gets sketchy, but that accent remains solid as a rock.  So, Corado and I started conversing in Italian.  It was just a few words every morning, but it was nice for him and very nice for me.  I love my Italian heritage and there is no foreign language I would be happier to know than Italian.  It must be that old John Cleese or Kevin Kline thing from A Fish Called Wanda.  It just sounds nice and so evocative.

Every morning I stop and pump fists or hold hands with Corado while I ask him how things are going with his wife’s treatments.  The basic answer has its ups and downs depending on the chemotherapy stage she is in, but generally it all boils down to how tough it all is and yet how hopeful he remains.  I have heard from my wife that Corado thinks I’m a saint for being such a caring person.

The truth is that I do care.  I find the story of a good, earnest working man, an immigrant, who came here for a better life and has had to grapple with the tragedy of his life partner being so ill and needing such debilitating and lengthy treatments, to be a great tragedy.  It is a routine human tragedy, but something about Corado makes it too real for me to ignore.

In my younger days, I am not so sure that I would have engaged.  I had other priorities and places to go in the morning.  Yes, it was usually about work and that can be passed off as noble, but the truth is that it was about me.  I didn’t want to be late.  I didn’t want to catch a later train that was more crowded.  I wanted to have a leisurely and productive early morning at my desk.

Well, this morning I was equally anxious to get to my desk, but for a different reason.  I now use my early morning time (after I have cleared the overnight email inbox) to write my stories.  I am always looking for stories to write that have themes that catch my fancy.  I saw Corado this morning and he was in a fine mood as we clasped hands.  It is Friday and we would both be off for a few days.  He would be caring for his wife since she is soon coming up on her last chemotherapy treatment, with all the good news and potential bad news that may entail.  I would be relaxing and going to the movies with my wife and having dinner with my son.

I thought about what a shitty deal Corado had and what a great deal I had.  It made me pause and take an extra few minutes with Corado and console him and tell him to have a nice weekend.  He walked me to the door and thanked me as we said our goodbyes.

I am so empathetic with Corado because, like him, my life revolves around my relationship with my wife.  I am literally unable to contemplate what I would do without her.  We have only been together fourteen years (I’m sure it has been much longer for Corado and his wife).  But at this age, either you are very tired of being with your spouse or you are very tied into your spouse.  I am 100% tied into her.  I would go anywhere to be with her and I would agree to anything in terms of lifestyle to make her happy.

I am also willing to take the time for Corado because his story epitomizes the human condition to me.  No good person deserves the life suffering that he gets, but we all get it at some time and in some way.  I am strongly of the belief that being a kind and humane person may be the most important trait you can exhibit in life.  Being too busy for humanity is not an acceptable way to live.  So, I spend the time and the empathy to be a support for Corado.  The few dollars I have given him and the few moments I have spared from my day cost me very little and they mean so very much to him.  How can people not see that greater good equation and opt for it.  To me it is an easy choice.

I wish others could find their own personal Corado that would make them remember their humanity.  I have often joked that I love humanity, it’s just people I don’t like.  But humanity brought down to a human level, connected to a specific person and his problems is a very powerful inducement for good.  I think Corado makes me a better person because he makes me pause and remember how important it is to be kind to everyone I encounter.

This morning when I greeted Corado he voiced that familiar Italian expression that summarizes the human condition more than any.  He just stated to the universe, “Porca Miseria.”  If you go to an online translator it will tell you the phrase means damn it.  That does not do it justice.  It is not a curse or a statement said in anger.  It is more an expression said in frustration with the burdens and woes of life.

We all have burdens to bear.  I see that Visiting Angels commercial and think of that old man who says he has cared for others his whole life and now needs care, which he gets from the Visiting Angels home nursing service.  I would argue that we all must try to be visiting angels to those around us.  Or, as I’m sure Corado would endorse, “Porca miseria, trovare qualcuno che aiuti.”  Roughly translated, that means, “Goddamnit, find someone to help.”