Fiction/Humor Memoir

Modern Family

Modern Family

It’s that time of year when we all gather as families on one occasion or another. I know fewer and further traditional families and then today I see that there is a new sitcoms being aired this season that is based on how to make a divorce work successfully for you. I am the product of divorce and Kim comes from a more traditional nuclear family, but none of that causes or prevents our families from having their quirks. We are both the youngest of three siblings, both families with two girls and one boy, and with ages ranging from 77 to 65 with an average age of 71, it is good to be able to say that we are all still here and more or less able to enjoy ourselves. The family, including the 6 of us and our other 4 significant others, contains 9 next generation kids with ages ranging from 46 to 28 and then with 10 third generation grandkids ranging from 15 down to one with most likely more on the way yet. If you then throw in two ex-wives, an ex-wife partner, 11 next gen significant others and two step-kids, we are at a total of 43 extended family members by my count. Kim and I have been together for eighteen years now and everyone (all 43) in the family knows each other fairly well. This year we are gathering today (Thanksgiving) with 12 of us (mostly Kim’s family) and will increase to 22 tomorrow with the addition of my sister Kathy’s family. Last week in Las Vegas, we saw three more. During a NYC visit in a few weeks, we will see an additional 11 and finally, at Christmas we will add five more, who are heading west for a visit in the San Diego warmth. That means during the extended holiday season we will have seen 41 of the 43 that I am defining as our version of a modern family.

And, of course, none of that three generations worth includes the lateral expansion of , in-laws and what-not. Some of those are closer to us than others, but that is just how things happen in families. Circumstances and life history have a way of forging or forgetting certain bonds. I am close to only one cousin in my coterie (technically a first cousin once removed, named Pete…along with his wife Nancy) and they will join us in NYC for our holiday celebration in a few weeks. We invite an in-law (my ex-wife’s sister, Toni), but for various reasons, as close as we feel towards her (and I know she reads this blog…), she won’t be able to join us.

As modern as this family configuration is, it is more so yet if you consider that not all those 11 significant others in the second generation are either formally wed or even together, and yet they are part of the genetic chain that links us to the third generation in its complete numbers. Of the total extended number of 46 (I’ve included those cousins and in-law) the genetic code from my parents and Kim’s parents run through 26 of them or 57%, a number that seems more or less appropriate, all things considered. I’m less convinced that blood line means much these days other than to suggest that more genetic diversity is healthier than less.

If you had asked me if I thought we had a large family, I would have said we didn’t, but when I add it all up as I just have, I have to change that view and say that we have a pretty big family after all. In fact, it could have been much bigger yet if my siblings or Kim’s had had as many multiple marriages as I’ve had. I find it interesting that the only ones of the older generation that have been married more than once are Kim’s brother Jeff, who has been married twice and me, who is on my third (and final) marriage. Of the nine kids, all but one are married for the first and only time and even that one was actually never married and even once despite having a daughter. That’s perhaps more interesting to me because I come from a marriage of divorce, whereas Kim’s parents were together for life, and yet our respective family members have followed the same pattern. While I started adult life expecting to specifically and purposefully not following in my father’s footsteps (he was married many, many times) or even in my mother’s footsteps in that regard (she was married twice), life overwhelmed me and here I am in my third marriage. I don’t regret any of them, but am very happy to be in a permanent committed marriage now. And despite my own path, I certainly hope that my children and all of the next generation folks of our family will remain married and find a good path for themselves in that regard.

Meanwhile, today is the day when 22 of us, including six third generation, eight second generation and eight of us older generation sorts get together to celebrate Black Friday. That means that it will be a classic holiday shit-show around here with pizzas, leftovers and God-knows what else flying around the house. I went to the trouble this morning or taking advantage of the fact that it is, indeed, Black Friday and Best Buy opens at 6am for early morning electronics shopping. What I learned yesterday with a mere 12 people (and only 2 kids) here rendered my brand new Neo-QLED 85” Samsung TV virtually inaudible since I had not expanded the audio beyond the TV internal speaker. It made me realize that I needed one of those soundbars that Samsung sells, so off I went to Best Buy to brave the holiday sale crowds.

I found a salesperson to help me and actually watched a demonstration of the exact same TV that I bought with the internal speaker being used versus the soundbar and its surround-sound deployed. It was an amazing , so I was quickly convinced that I needed such a soundbar. The problem was that there are a full range of soundbars ranging in price points from $50 to $1,400. I am not certain why such a thing needs to be so complicated nor what the possible difference could be. I have been similarly confused by audio equipment my whole life and have thus tended to default to the low end only to be chastised by people who seem to have better ears than I do for such things.

I asked the sales clerk for her advice and was directed to the soundbar I had tested on the demo. It was a middle-of-the-pack selection that cost about $700 and I decided to bite the bullet, as they say, even though I intended to spend at most $300. I was reminded that Kim convinced me to buy the TV in the first place by saying that we DO watch a lot of TV, so I rationalized myself into yet another expensive purchase in the hope that I would have a better life for it. I guess I will be trying the whole program out on my extended 22 family members this afternoon. I guess that will make my modern family all that more modern, at least in an audio-visual sense.