Lining Up for the Slaughter

Lining Up for Slaughter

Yesterday I received a message from my healthcare provider, UCSD Health, explaining to me the prioritization queuing for vaccinations. It basically explained where I sit in the line formed for receiving the Coronavirus vaccination. It didn’t give me a timeframe, but said that the system was still working on the first cohort of first responder and assisted living resident vaccinations and when done with that would move on to 75+ and educator vaccinations as well as those involved in food and agriculture. Then they get to us over 65+ as well as transportation, critical manufacturing, residential and sheltering services, those incarcerated and homeless people. After that, the 50-64 year olds (that would include Kim), those with underlying health conditions, defense workers, IT and financial workers and several other essential worker categories. Finally, the general population will get covered. It is fascinating to see how our society has prioritized us for salvation under these circumstances.

I find it funny that the numbering effort being used by the sources of authority (CDC or State of California?) are using what I would call a Lake Wobegone numbering protocol. They are Phase 1A, Phase 1B Tier 1, Phase 1B Tier 2, Phase 1C, and finally Phase 2. Everyone is apparently important and thus above average in priority. Nobody fails and nobody is left behind. In fact, its great to see that pig farmers are getting prioritization justly like UBER drivers, convicted felons and that guy sleeping on the subway grate. After all of those, the Capitol Police Force, the guy from the Geek Squad who didn’t show up between ten and twelve like he was supposed to, and the bank tellers at my bank that close their doors at 11am for their lunch break after being open for two hours, get vaccinated. Then and only then do my children and grandchildren qualify to get their vaccines.

I think it might be better to just assume that ingesting bleach will save us. I am looking for that Sarah Cooper video clip that explains how we are supposed to self-inoculate given that the message from UCSD that their ability to advise me of when I am eligible for my vaccination is dependent on their being giving notice by the authorities that there are vaccine supplies available and that the system is prepared to shift from one phase and tier to the next until my number and letter comes us. This is all very comforting. In fact, I am reminded that one of the great advancements offered by the Trump Administration, specifically the FDA, has been the manner in which slaughterhouses are allowed to operate.

There used to be pacing parameters as to how rabbits, chickens and hogs were slaughtered. The feeling was that the humane treatment of animals lined up for slaughter required that there be an orderly manner in which they were disposed of. This provided some comfort for the poor animals in the abattoir and a certain degree of safety for the employees charged with the slaughter. Well, for some reason the Trump FDA felt that the restrictions were too constrictive for profitability purposes so they loosened them up. Instead of pacing chicken slaughter at 140 per minute, they can now be taken to their creator at 175 per minute. That’s a helluva lot better than pigs, which apparently have no limits to their dispatch. Those pigs and hogs can and have been slaughtered at a rate up to 1,100 per minute. I’m guessing this is somehow connected with the fact that McDonalds can only make the McRib sandwich available once in awhile. There is apparently lots of demand for pig slaughtering that demands they be killed Willy-Nilly. I have new respect for those bottom-shelf pork rinds I see at the market under the potato chips. I wonder if potatoes can be slaughtered as quickly as pigs can be? Maybe pigs and potatoes should be phased and tiered like we are for our Coronavirus vaccines. That would surely slow things down and make everything safer and more humane.

The circumstances we now face are that over 4,000 people per day are now succumbing in the country to COVID. They say that one in five Los Angeles residents is now testing positive. We are at 373,000 cumulative deaths to date. I just heard on MSNBC that at this rate we will surpass one million deaths by May in the U.S. I checked that math and with 627,000 deaths to go, at 4,000 per day that is 157 days or a bit over five months from now. The math works, but surely the death rate won’t continue so briskly, right? Actually, our pattern of expectation of seeing our numerical suffering abating has been wrong over and over again and what seemed like outrageous infection and death rates a few months ago have been consistently overwhelmed. Wasn’t it Donald Trump that said the vaccine was the panacea that would save us? I know Donald isn’t really a math guy, even though his uncle did attend MIT, but did no one in the Administration go over the vaccination rate numbers with him? 327 million Americans cannot be vaccinated as quickly as pigs can get slaughtered. If they could, my math tells me we could all be vaccinated in 206 days or by July. If we can only go at the chicken-kill rate it will take us 43 months to get done and that is unacceptable. Thank God humans are more like pigs genetically than chickens.

My sister Barbara and her husband Dave, who are about 70 (so Phase 1B, Tier 1 presumably) and therefore in line somewhere between the pigs and chickens, to get their vaccinations. Their daughter-in-law is a nursing supervisor at a long-term care facility and on a day when they ran short of elderly, pigs and chickens, they were called and asked if they wanted to get vaccinated since the rules did not allow the vaccine to sit overnight. They rushed over and jumped the queue accordingly. Good for them, but when I learned this I logically asked, “What about us?” I was told to keep the gas tank full or the Tesla fully charged for a quick trip to Las Vegas, where they all live, if there was another day of excess vaccine to be had.

That has all made me realize that the best strategy for those of us lining up for the slaughter might be to take a chapter out of the child molester playbook. We should all find a long term care facility and hang around the playground gates. That way, as the afternoon recess ends we can stick our foot into the door and have a shot at rushing the nurses office and overwhelming the guards. It worked at the U.S. Capital with minimal casualties, so I think it should work for those of us too far down the life-saving priority list to be comfortable. Why line up for the slaughter when you can rush to the slaughter?