Lev and Igor’s Great Adventure

Lev and Igor’s Great Adventure

When Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman we’re arrested by the FBI at Dulles Airport in October we all took mild notice. No one was surprised that Rudy Giuliani was associating with guys who looked and acted like thugs. In some ways, the mug shots of the two did little to help us take them seriously. Igor looked shellacked with his Gordon Gecko Brylcreamed hair and puffy Russian face. Lev was almost laughable with his course and mottled features capped off by his thinly combed, slicked and front-tweeked hair. Most of us felt that if we had called Central Casting and called for two Russian mob guys who didn’t look too bright, these two would be the obvious suspects. From the strained hair to the incredulous, “I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’” looks in their eyes, it was impossible to take them too seriously.

People like me joked quickly that these sleazy guys were exactly the sort of guys that Trump deserves to be brought down by. We kibitzed that it would be great to have Lev and Igor spill their guts and in so doing unhinge Rudy Giuliani and his position with Trump. I think it’s safe to say that Rudy has wandered so far off so many reservations in his flailing defense of the President, that he must be on some sort of razor’s edge with Trump, who has probably had multiple recommendations to cut Giuliani loose. In the election transition days it was understandable to see Rudy sidelined from consideration for Attorney General or Secretary of State. Having come back into play as an unpaid personal lawyer for the president and a regular fearless TV flak, his presence at first made sense simply knowing that Donald loves a bargain and he grew up respecting Rudy as his mayor. But with each faux pas and his dwindling respect with the legal profession and general public, it became fair to wonder when, not if, Trump would pull his “You’re Fired!” act. Now that the Ukraine fiasco has led to impeachment and Rudy’s fingerprints are all over it, the topic has come up again for good reason, but now Rudy seems to hold some good cards in scaring Trump into playing nice with him. Trump needs his friends to stay friends like never before and mobsters like Trump intuitively understand when they can and cannot muscle subordinates.

Trump has no choice but to disavow familiarity with Lev and Igor since they were already arrested and indicted. It all looked like the replay or sequel to the Michael Cohen Show. We now know that it started with Rudy mobilizing John Dowd and even Jay Sekulow to plug whatever holes might appear in their Ukrainian hull. Lev and Igor may not be brain trusts, but they were able to quickly pick up on the reality that Dowd and Sekulow were less there to help them (perhaps whispering the pardon word in their ears) and more there to help figure out where they stood, what the Feds had on them, how much of the schmutz would likely rub off on Rudy and el jefe, and mostly, how to best throw them effectively under the bus. It’s worked well for Donald his whole life and even better of late with added weapons in his arsenal like executive privilege and allies like the Attorney General.

Now it seems Lev and Igor have parted ways in their handling of their defense. They are both undoubtedly under significant financial pressure. Lev is 47and Igor is 53. They were both born in the Ukraine and Belarus respectively (neither speak Ukrainian or Russian fluently, but perhaps proficiently), but spent most of their working lives learning the tricks of Florida Real Estate development. This and hanging out at the Trump Hotel in Washington (for apparently extended periods of time) seem to be the only credentials needed to work the alternative international affairs game for the Trump Administration. Oh yes, there is that added piece that besides filling Trump’s hotel coffers, they had to make big donations to some combination of the Trump campaign/inauguration and specifically to Rudy Giuliani. Without a boatload of money to make that happen, what’s a Florida developer to do but use OPM. Except in this game the most readily available OPM is Russian and Ukrainian Oligarch money. And that is the shit that hangs around the Trump Hotel bar day and night.

Apparently when Donald said on the White House lawn that he didn’t know these guys Lev and Igor, one shrugged and one went ballistic. Igor somehow decided he would just lay low and keep quiet in good mob soldier protocol. Lev, on the other hand, was “Michael Cohen” incensed. He began to wonder why he bothered to have 50-and-counting pictures and videos taken with Trump if he could disavow any familiarity. Watching Lev go in and out of the Federal courthouse with his pretty young wife and recognizing that the surveillance of his bank accounts made any more money from Ukraine or Russia unlikely, you can almost see the wheels turning in that carefully combed head of thin hair. The pillow talk in the Parnas household must sound like, “Lev-snukums, no one will take care of me… I mean us, if you don’t do it yourself. Trump has thrown everyone like you and me under the bus. I have a bad headache…. and ”

Lev now realizes that everything he has worked for is on the line. No more Snukums if he’s in the a Federal pen. No more parties at the Trump hotel bar. Not even any more parties at Kiev or the Vienna Ritz. Damn!

So, while Igor is dragging his foot back into the lab to go back to work for Herr Doktor Frankentrump, Lev is out running in the fields with pitchfork-wielding Republicans chasing him and he’s throwing out all the contents of his iPhone, iPad, laptop and even his bedside hotel notepad notes in hopes of finding some form of notoriety or salvation.

Even during Lev’s interview this week with Rachel Maddow, no one on Lev’s team had him modify his hairdo. As I think about it, I think that may have been wise. Just like when he said, “of course Zelensky only met with me because he had been told I spoke for President Trump, why else would he meet with me, who am I otherwise?” That was an honest, credibility-building moment. Looking like a schlub with a bad haircut probably does the same thing. Meanwhile, Igor must be at home with folded arms and a shaking head wondering what will become of his old friend when he either goes to jail or gets free. He knows their pals in Moscow know well how that program works. It’s fair to suggest that Lev and Igor’s Great Adventure has a few more exciting chapters to it.