Letting Go
We got back to the hilltop today. The continental winds were with us today and we made it to San Diego about forty minutes earlier than expected. All of that meant that even with checked baggage, we made it home before noon with some Taco Bell in tow for good measure. This was, by any measure, a short absence from the hilltop. The last time we left this summer by car, we returned after a five week absence and the sense of change was far greater. I spent a few hours watering every part of my property with all five hose locations activated. I did this less because the irrigation system and our dog-sitter, Natasha, had left the plants dry and more because it had been a very hot week here and I wanted to inspect all of my gardens to see how they had all fared. I had spent several weeks before my departure putting in almost two hundred new plants and 7.5 yards of bark mulch on the back hillside. I do not think that is obsessive to want to see how everything is doing. I have learned that gardening, while very much a learned skill by many standards, also has a measure of uncertainty. You simply cannot anticipate every variable. Plants may be indicated as drought-tolerant and prone to full sun, but there is no telling how drought-tolerant they are, how much sun is too much and what effect wind and angle of presentation to the sun might have on these plants. The whole process is an inexact science with lots of trial and error and I am fine with that, but it does cause me to want to do as much monitoring as I can so that I can avoid duplicating mistakes. At this point, based on my rounds today, I would say that all is well though I will likely adjust upward some of the watering cycles on several of the areas. For what it’s worth, the Cecil Garden, the Patio the Front Driveway Area (with the possible exception of the Crepe Myrtle, which seems to have dried out more than I am happy about) and the Ice Plants across the street are all faring well and those are the well-established areas.
I think it is fair to say that part of learning to be a viable gardener is to do things as attentively as you can, to baby the young plants as much as possible, to choose your plants wisely and appropriately, to monitor often, but ultimately to understand that at some point you must let go and let nature take its course. Letting go is the toughest lesson to learn, followed by moving on and perhaps changing course when warranted. I find that kind of acceptance is very liberating and makes me enjoy gardening more because I don’t feel out of control, I feel calm and good about the process.
It turns out that gardening and the lesson of letting go is an excellent preparation for many other aspects of life. While I am a planner and believe in leaving as little to chance as possible, whether in traveling or work, it is clear that there are always things that cannot be fully anticipated and must be handled as they come. In fact, I can barely think of an aspect of importance in life that doesn’t have the need for a dose of letting go or perhaps better said, cannot benefit from a dose of letting go.
The activity I have engaged in more and for a longer period of time than any other is motorcycling. I am drawn to this example for that reason though I think there are some arguments about whether its a good example. One of the important lessons about surviving motorcycling is that should you head into a fall, or as we tend to like to call it, laying it down, you first need to let go of the motorcycle. That’s right, separate yourself from the 900 pounds of metal. You see, in a crash, a 900 pound hunk of metal will slide far further on tarmac than a human being, even when clad in leather or Kevlar. I learned that lesson at age seventeen on the Cristoforo Colombo highway heading from Ostia back into Rome, when an Alpha Romeo tried to pass me on my Triumph 650 while I was passing another car. I hit the skids and let the bike go so it could travel its appointed 200 yard slide while I slammed into the outer curb and was able to roll up and away from traffic. I won’t say I was no worse for wear (I was going 70 m.p.h. at the time), but I sure appreciated not having to travel the extra 100 yards that the bike did. My estimate is that I would have lost a great deal more skin on my left leg and stomach had I hung onto the beast. The key to a successful fall is letting go.
I am now faced with a difficult challenge and I simply need to get myself to the point of letting go. In 2006, fifteen years ago, I had bariatric lapband surgery. It has worked quite well for me and has significantly improved the quality of my life since then. It worked so well that Kim went ahead and had the same surgery from the same surgeon. Unfortunately, it never worked as well for Kim as it did for me. She lost weight, but she simply had more difficulty with the apparatus than I did. She was constantly getting it filled and emptied (I never touch mine). She has had a far bigger problem with blockages that are quite uncomfortable for about twenty minutes (I occasionally get that too, just not so often). Kim has gotten to a point of such frustration as she has gained back some of the weight and had these ongoing problems, so she has decided to take action. She will be getting her lapband removed and has decided to get a gastric bypass.
When Kim had her knees replaced I was very worried and somewhat against the surgery option, but she knew her pain and functionality and went forward. Now her knees work extremely well and there is both no pain and near full functionality. I am so very dependent on Kim (I do not mean in a day-to-day sense, but in a holistic sense), that I do not like her taking risks. I talked her out of learning to ride motorcycles (a decision I stand behind). So, I am not very happy about her having this surgery of Wednesday. This all came up very quickly. She went from considering it to just doing it and then, they had an earlier opening in their schedule so it has gotten pushed up and is suddenly right in front of us. I don’t think of myself as a person who needs time to “process” things, but I think this is an issue I would have benefited from more time to adjust to the idea.
I am an optimist by nature, but I also have an acute awareness of personal risk (I did not say fear of or even avoidance of). I hate the thought of anything bad happening to Kim. I know these arthroscopic procedures are all well-honed and low-risk, but I have heard so many things about gastric bypass surgery, and do not know what of that is real, imagined, old-news, no longer true or recently solved. I trust Kim and know that she would not do anything that was not well-considered and thought through. So my job is quite simple this week. It’s about letting go. This is important to Kim and I need to support her. I know it will be fine, so I am just letting go…I promise.