Inside My Head

Inside My Head

These are strange times. They are strange for me, strange for my family and strange for my country and the world. I am certainly the first human being in the history of mankind to pass into irrefutable old age (65) and spend too much time thinking about my state and the state of the world. I am sure that no one thinks about stuff as clearly as I do. This is why I find it necessary to share my every thought with everyone and for posterity by putting it into my blog. If you look at the background of my cover photo of this blog you will see that behind me is a wall of graffiti (which happens to be from Australia). That wall is like my mind these days…random and scary.

Citizens have never before had to deal with a political system which does not fully agree with their views. I’m told that everyone, except maybe Jefferson, loved President Washington. We also know that history has been kind to all other Presidents because they always did everything right and left no room for debate about their motives or actions. In Jared Diamond’s Guns Germs and Steel, he explains collective governance structures of man as basically varying forms of kleptocracy with rare instances of benign leadership. Whether tribal or organizational, all governance is about taking from the collective and giving to the pockets of those in power in one form or another. Instances of selfless control are rare indeed. Some rulers may be rivers to their people, but usually they divert some amount of water to their own purposes.

The ability of the governed to stomach this process has mostly to do with two dimensions. How well are the governed faring under the regime, and how offended are the governed by what they see as larcenous leadership behavior. The norms of leadership are niceties that take a back seat to the realities of economics. Their best use is as indicator to what the governed can expect in the future in terms of the two primary dimensions mentioned.

Mr. Evil in the White House has scored well enough on the economic conditions of the governed. No leader can ever claim with certainty his direct responsibility for the economic outcome of the governed, but we all know how that goes. If it is positive, claiming it is assured. If negative, the natural excuse machinery kicks in. As for ratings on the kleptocratic scale, this is a no-brainer. Let’s just list the evidence: no visibility on taxes, no release of conflicted properties and assets, extensive history of financial failure and malfeasance, a preferential tax cut that hurts rather than helps the majority and a long and distinguished history of extreme self-interest.

With this balance of traits, the evaluation of the intangibles and the norms of leadership become more important. I am tired and disgusted at this point and do not feel it necessary to list those negatives about the current administration. They are visible for all to see and even the ardent supporters attest to their dislike of the man’s manner. For the rest of us, we are beyond the pale and just shake our heads. What is clear is that as an indicator of likely fairness and goodwill towards the electorate, they give no confidence to anyone.

If you are a farmer you have suffered from the tariff war. If you are a manufacturer you have followed a false prophet who manufacturers his own goods overseas. If you are an urban office-worker, chances are you have lost your state tax deduction and are paying more taxes. If you are a coal miner you were promised more than any man could have delivered. If you live near the border you live in fear of troops in your backyard and expropriation of your lands under imminent domain for the false security of a wall that has been lied about for political gain. And if you are just a normal average citizen, you are seeing your tax dollars that were supposed to be directed at the discretion of Congress redirected to serve the political needs of a narcissist.

It is not a pretty story and it is no wonder that the inside of my head looks like a Rorschach test. Add to that the failings of a man approaching the end of his productive life and the feeling of growing impotence on the circumstances of his or his family’s wellbeing and life and you complete the graffiti wall in my head. The good news about graffiti is that if you look at it as a mess that will not wash off, you are doomed to live with its confusion. But then there is the approach that suggests that graffiti is a pure and original art form to be admired and built upon to create a new and modern canvas of life.

OK, this is where you all purse your lips and nod that he’s done it again. He’s taken that squirt of serotonin and turned a shitty situation and made it a sunny day. I can’t help it. I am an incurable optimist. The amazing thing is that last night I was ready to declare defeat and just give up (non-specific and undefined). It is actually a cloudy, cool and overcast day and not a sunny morning to make me think good thoughts. But it is morning and I still have my mind and my five senses with which to enjoy life. Mr. Trump cannot take that away from me.

And that is the point. Every man and woman must find their own way to peace. It may be harder now with a repressive and unreasonable regime in control of the government. But the truth is that times change and things pass. It is frustrating when people solve problems by saying, “this too shall pass.” But things do, indeed, pass. They get better. Problems get solved and life goes on.

The demons that scribble on the walls of my head are not gone. They are merely asleep on this Sunday morning. A sleeping demon is a livable demon. I am looking for a complete exorcism, but will settle for a peaceful day today. And I will let tomorrow take care of tomorrow as it is all anyone can do. Stay calm and carry on as they say.