Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker

Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker

Most of you will remember that line from what some consider to be the best Christmas movie of all time, the classic Bruce Willis Die Hard. The original was made in 1988 based on the novel Nothing Lasts Forever, written in 1979. Well, the Die Hard series tried to disprove that with no less than four sequels, Die Hard 2 (1990), Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995), Live Free or Die Hard (2007) and A Good Day to Die Hard (2013). The strength of the franchise caused the planned ending of the series after the fifth movie to be postponed while a sixth Die Hard was in the works. But in 2023 the project got scrapped and shortly thereafter the family of Bruce Willis announced that he had been diagnosed with aphasia, a brain malfunction that causes a lack of ability to comprehend and speak properly. Later on it was revealed that his diagnosis had become that of frontotemporal dementia, which clearly affects his acting abilities and is a condition from which there is no known cure. Bruce Willis may have brought us to understand the meaning of dying hard in the theatrical sense, but his true life story is also reminding us that we all have to die some time and some how, hopefully not as hard as his experience is likely to be. Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.

We have already watched Love Actually, Elf, It’s A Wonderful Life, The Family Stone, Miracle on 34th Street and White Christmas, so in memory of the old Bruce Willis, we will try to watch a few of the Die Hard series for good measure and seek out some other holiday classics as well. With Christmas and New Years falling on a Monday this year, not to mention Hanukkah starting a few days ago, both this and next week seem to be high holiday weeks where things are clearly slowing down. This is what affords all this holiday movie watching. Some years the holidays seem to jump on you with little notice but on years like this they seem more prolonged and languished over several weeks. Its good to enjoy your time during the holidays whichever way it comes at you, so I am doing my best to wallow in the season as best I can. Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.

After five months of working with a trainer at my LA Fitness gym, my pal Jose has moved on to a gym closer to home where he can care for his ailing grandmother. It is hard to argue with that sort of circumstance, so I am using the occasion to switch trainers to a gal named Lisa who I have encountered most days as she trains others. She is not available to train me until after the New Year, so we will start then and I will shift from twice a week to once a week. I figure I am in the groove now so I can afford to try to get direction once a week and self-direct my workout the other time that same week. The trick will be to keep the momentum going and not backslide. There will also be gaps in my stretching program since my regular day falls on a Monday. Just to round out my holiday “feel good” program, my massage therapist, Andrew, and his wife Rhonda, have just given birth to a new baby girl, so who knows when Andrew will get time off from Daddy Doody Duty to get back to work on my aching body. I think this just all means that I am in a two-week holiday hiatus and will just have to learn how to survive. Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.

I decided to take the bike out for a ride today since my dance card was wide open, but there are sprinkles in the air and I can’t imagine why I would go out just to get rained on in a climate where 19 out of every 20 days is a sunny day around here. So instead I am crafting a plan to go and find a new big red bow for the giant terracotta pot we have in the front yard. I have trimmed it for the holidays with a red ribbon and last year’s red bow, only to see it droop and fade to the point where it would probably be best to either replace it or ditch it altogether. Kim has gone off to take Buddy to his first session of doggy day care at Colean’s house of doggy delights. After five days of intensive Buddy programming, I’m sure that Kim needs a break as much as Buddy needs socialization. It was only a matter of time before Colean got back on the dog care payroll, so I have just resigned myself to the idea that dogs are simply part of our routine budget. Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.

Instead of the bike ride I have chosen to go out doing miscellaneous errands both of the season and having nothing to do with the season. To begin with, my new license plates for the truck arrived today. If it was just the back plate I would do it myself, but the way cars and trucks are sold these days in a country with different state-by-state license plate regulations, they do not automatically attach a front plate bracket at the dealership when they sell you the vehicle. Given that California requires a front plate, this may seem odd, but dealers are simply not required to install it even though once issued, the plates are required to be displayed on the front as well as the back of the vehicle. The salesmen who sold me the truck last month said I could just bring it by the dealership and they would install it for free. Even though salesmen are notorious for making promises that their service crews do not feel inclined to fulfill, I chose to take it to the dealership for the install. I did bother to call service ahead of time and they agreed I could just stop by and wait, so I did just that. That task completed, I went on to my holiday errand for the day which was to find a large red bow to put on the front large terracotta pot. It seems Christmas shopping season not only starts early, but also ends early. Home Depot, Lowe’s, Michael’s all were busy putting away their Christmas decorations for sale and there were no big red bows to be found. Finally I gave up and decided to go with a nice artificial wreath to hang on the pot in lieu of a bow. Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.

Kim called and asked how I felt about buying a small Christmas gift for both Mike & Melisa and Faraj & Yasuko. She had in mind some sort of special holiday candle, so nothing too elaborate. I understand that gift giving can be a slippery slope with mutual obligation going this way and that, and that Mike, in particular, is not keen on gift-giving. But as I thought about it I found myself thinking that in life you have to be you. Kim and I are gift-givers by nature. It’s who we are and what we do and we have come to care a great deal about Mike & Melisa and Faraj & Yasuko. We are so very happy to have found such good friends in the neighborhood. We are all very different, but it all works very nicely and makes living on this hilltop all that more pleasant for us. So, I told Kim to go ahead and buy the candles and as for any concerns about going down a slippery slope, Ho Ho Ho, Motherfucker.