Hello & Goodbye
This evening we are going to a going-away party for some local friends who are moving to Bend, Oregon. We met Sam and Chris through the Hidden Meadows Garden Club, which is the vehicle through which we have made most of our local friends unless they are right next door to us. At some Garden Club event about three years ago, I was doing what I tend to do at these things when they get to the walk-around-the-garden part of the program, I found a nice shady bench and sat and contemplated the beauty of my surroundings. Sam had the same idea and so we met and introduced ourselves. Somehow during that first meeting we realized that we shared a somewhat common life history. Sam had grown up in Colombia, the son of some American missionaries stationed there. He went on to a career, first in the Air Force and then in the area of international sales, specifically of military grade telecommunications equipment. It was fun to compare notes with someone who had spent his early days in Latin America (actually very close to where I had been in Venezuela and Costa Rica) and then someone who had done a lot of selling into places like the Arab Middle East, as I had done, especially during the 1990s.
Sam is perhaps 4-5 years older than me, which explains his stint in the Air Force during the era of the draft, but besides a very global outlook on life, we shared an extreme liberal view of the world. I don’t really know if he felt that way because of his missionary upbringing, his being a young adult of the 60’s or some other reason, but we were clearly kindred spirits when it came to politics and economics. When I told him that it was strange, coming from New York City, where most people shared our liberal views, to come to an area like North County San Diego, where the preponderance of political leaning seems to be more right than left. California, since the days of Reagan, has had a decidedly split personality with the big cities pushing it to the left, but the rural valleys bringing it back hard right. Some of the most liberal AND most conservative members of Congress seem to come from California simultaneously. It was Sam who told me that there were more of us liberal-minded folks out here in Hidden Meadows than I might think. He said that they just tended to keep their heads down to avoid getting some bad potato salad at the local deli market.
While we tried to integrate Sam & Chris into our small circle of hilltop friends, they apparently had one foot out the door beknownst only to them and only connected so much. That seemed less because of any apparent stridently divergent political views, but maybe more because they were from a different part of the hillside and had lots of other friends like from the tennis club. Nonetheless, we felt a greater connection with them than others in our immediate crowd, probably due to both the global orientation and the liberal leanings. Nevertheless, we included them in any gathering we had and it was always very convivial with everyone else and I know everyone who knows them is sad to see them go.
Last year, one of Sam & Chris’ sons was in need of a kidney transplant and it was determined that another one of their sons was a good donor. They had to go to Salt Lake City for an extended stay to care for their son since University of Utah apparently has the top transplant clinic for such things. They mentioned a need to find a place for an extended stay in SLC and I connected them with our dear friends Deb & Mellisa, who I knew had a spare house next to theirs that they were trying to ready for an AirBNB property. It was a serendipitous connection because it gave Sam & Chris the perfect place to hang their hat during a challenging few months during their son’s recuperation, and it gave Deb & Mellisa the incentive to get their property on the market and to have a friendly shake-down client to work out the rental bugs. The four of them all left friends after the few months and it is always nice to find ways to help everyone out like that and make for new connections.
When Sam & Chris returned last fall, they told us that they had decided that their long term love affair with Southern California (30+ years) would be coming to an end. They had decided to sell their house here in what has become a very strong real estate market and to move up to Bend, Oregon where another of their sons lives. Sam told me that this was a multifaceted move for them that had the benefit of keeping them close to another one of their sons, and also allowed them to downsize a bit and perhaps move to a more economical locale. That’s a place we will all eventually find ourselves for one reason or another. At this stage of life we are all in an endgame. Kim and I talk about our strategies all the time. We watch our family members as they blaze the trail ahead of us since we are each the youngest of our respective broods. Everyone has to make the best decisions for themselves, but the one thing we suspect is that the best way to make the best life decisions is to get out ahead of them, much as we see Sam and Chris doing.
Both Kim and I have spent our lives moving from here to there. Since we have been together, in addition to Kim’s initial move in with me, we have moved together three times and moved out of two additional homes (one in Utah and one in Ithaca). No one likes moving. It’s a pain in the neck and disruptive at very least. But moving is very survivable and, in some ways, invigorating. During that time none of the four of our siblings have moved. I don’t think that’s an indictment on any of them, but it does tell me that we may be a bit more flexible in our lifestyle, and I hope that will mean that we can duck and weave that much more easily when and if it’s required to intercept the circumstances of life as they come our way. I know for my part, I love our home on the hilltop and I cannot think of any place I would rather make my last stand in life, but I also know it is just a house and no more. I can imagine myself being happy in a two bedroom condo somewhere and resetting my lifestyle to accommodate that change without missing a beat.
I learned as a child who was a trailing dependent behind a high-powered mother, or as I called her in the biography I wrote, Mater Gladiatrix, that the only was to survive and stay optimistic is to keep your eyes forward. I have often said that I have no regrets in life. Actually, I think its a way of life I believe in to eschew regrets. Life is good wherever you choose to hang your hat. I’m sure Sam and Chris will be happy in Bend. They strike me as people who life face forward like I do. We’ve only had a little time to get to know them and wish they weren’t leaving. It feels like we just said hello and here we are having to say goodbye too soon. But then again, I’ve learned never to say , but just farewell. We hope to find our way up to Bend to let Sam & Chris show us that part of the world.