Haircuttery
I think of my quarantine as having started after returning prematurely from New York and having swung and missed on my trip to London (a trip, I might add, which would have been a complete waste of time and effort because that expert witness case settled favorably). I flew back to San Diego on Wednesday, March 10th with a prickly feeling on the back of my neck like I had just escaped the Coronavirus. As it turns out, the first of my friends to contract the disease and recover from the disease is someone I almost had dinner with on Tuesday night before flying back. There is no telling if I would have gotten the virus from him even if I had dinner with him, but that next day was the day he tested positive. Hence the hot breath on my neck. The next day after returning I did two things. I went to a chiropractor for a kink in my back (since resolved) and I got a haircut from a woman who used Tea Tree shampoo to rinse out those little tiny hairs that tickle one’s neck (with or without hot breath on them).
Now I like my hair kept short and I imagine that will only be more so as I get used to living in the warm California sun. So, after four weeks, you may recall me telling you that I asked Kim to cut my hair with a pair of clippers I had for my beard trimming. She was tentative at best as she tried to shorten my hair ever so carefully. I understand why women are cautious about hair cutting, but truth be told I have a very different situation and thus a very different relationship with my head of hair. I have always had hair that was, if anything, too thick. Unlike men who worry about male pattern baldness, I lived life with every barber I ever went to telling me that I would never go bald based on the thickness of my scalp. And sure enough, at 66 years of age, I can just barely state that my brow has finally opened up a gap with my eyebrows. Clearly I have had ever so slight recession in my hairline, but at this rate it will only get to a normal brow when I turn 120. What this means is that I am very insensitive to the quality of my haircuts. I’m sure someone could cut my hair funny and displease me and I did once accede to a #3 buzz cut at a $10 barber that left me feeling very much like a Coco Pellado (bald coconut). But usually, its hard to screw up a haircut for me unless you leave it too long or make it a razor cut bowl cut affair where I look like a young Keanu Reeves.
I made fun of Kim in her delicate, tentative hair cutting for me two weeks ago. I have also noticed since then that there were lots of places where she simply cut too little and they are getting shaggy already. It is clear that one of Coronavirus outcomes is that men are becoming more hirsute both facially and in terms of their scarcity of haircuts. This is what caused me to try to remedy this situation for myself today.
Kim found it funny that I said to her two weeks ago, “You may not have cut hair before, but you’ve had your haircut, so just do it that way.” This really was a flippant comment from me because while it made perfect sense to me, I could see why that made little sense to her as someone who takes great care in how she has her hair cut. But I, on the other hand, remained convinced that it wasn’t as hard as it seemed and I was determined to prove that out.
So today, after I dropped my car off at the dealership for a wiring installation on my trailer hitch (yes, I went the “safe” route of going to Mercedes for an extra $800 rather than have U-Haul install generic wiring), I went on the hunt for some better hair clippers. I actually have 4 or 5 beard and miscellaneous hair trimmers meant for ears, noses, lips, necks, eyebrows and perhaps sideburns. But none of them seem right for good solid haircuts. I stopped at Walgreens and asked for hair trimmers and was told they were on Aisle 8 “if there are any left at all”. SUre enough, Aisle 8 had lots of razors and beard trimmers, but the shelves for the hair trimmers were bare. It makes sense that six weeks into a quarantine that has closed barber shops, there was probably a rush on such items for the new home barbering needs. I looked around on Aisle 8 and managed to find one lonely hair and beard trimming set for $19.99. Believe it or not, it had one of those security fobs on it like it was an expensive electronics item that might otherwise walk out under someone’s jacket only to set off numerous security alarms. In looking at it in the aisle I decided I would have passed this one by if there had been other choices. It just didn’t look that robust. But, it was the only choice so I took it up to the cashier.
As I got up front and since it was early morning, I saw them stacking paper towel and toilet paper rolls up front by the register where all the fast-moving items are placed. I snatched up one of each, hesitating as to whether to take two of each and deciding that was silly hoarding practice for which there was no call (maybe, I hoped…). In any other time, the Walgreens cashier would have looked at me and wondered what was going on with this guy buying TP, paper towels and a hair trimmer, but I seemed pretty normal to her in this day and age.
When I got home, Kim was genuinely pleased with my paper product purchases even though she said we have enough for now…. I then went into the bathroom, unpacked my new weapon, took off my shirt and went to town. I had underestimated this little trimmer. It had 3 hair combs, 5 beard combs, a nose hair trimmer and an exacting close-trim trimmer. It was quite good value and unlike other clippers I had, it seemed to keep a robust charge and cut through thick underbrush with no worries. I used the short comb around my ears and back of neck. I used the medium comb along the sides and back up to and just beyond the crown. And I did the unthinkable, I used the long comb to just run the top of my head from front to back across the full length. I basically gave myself a full buzz cut with one $19.99 set of clippers and left it with what seemed like a practically full charge yet to go. I suspect it could have done ten heads like mine if we had ten heads to do.
I love the look and feel of short hair and so does Kim (on my head, that is). This was so easy, I honestly don’t know why I should ever go to a barbershop ever again. I am convinced that so long as I don’t mind cleaning up the sink from all the hair trimmings (that took 20 seconds and two tissues), this is the way to go for me. I suspect that many of us will be discovering similar things that we can happily do ourselves that this age of Coronavirus is teaching us are not so very hard to tackle. The only thing I am sad about is that I don’t get to use my haircuttery skills and equipment for another month. Hey, maybe Kim would let me do her hair? No, better not push my luck.