Memoir Retirement

Columbia Gorgeous

Columbia Gorgeous

The Columbia River Gorge is designated as a Federal National Scenic Area (in1986) and is the largest such tract in the United States at 80 miles long and a average of about 12 miles wide. By my math, that suggests about 800 square miles, which makes the area as big as the state of Rhode Island. Besides all the beautiful scenery and massive water flow that drains the Cascade Mountain range and the Columbia Plateau into the Pacific Ocean, it also boasts the highest waterfall in Oregon, the Multnomah Falls at 620 feet. It is considered the most visited natural attraction in the Pacific Northwest with over 2 million visitors annually. Those falls drain from Mount Hood to the south, which stands at 11,239 feet in height. There are over 200 mountains in the U.S. that are higher even though Mount Hood looms over the skyline behind the Columbia River Gorge and looks very imposing. What makes it much more significant is that it is a semi-active volcano that the U.S. Geological Survey suggests is unlikely to erupt, but over the next thirty years is deemed to have a 3-7% chance of eruption. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like those odds that much, so I’m not looking to buy vacation property anywhere near Mount Hood anytime soon. I’m also a bit troubled to learn that over the millennia, the geology of the Cascade Range, of which Mount Hood is a member, has shifted itself and the entire Columbia River Gorge northward about 100 miles. We forget that man hasn’t lived here very long in the grand scheme of things.

Tomorrow we have a car issue with which to deal. Frank’s Audi seems to be shitting the bed. The engine light went on two days ago and Audi advised him to not worry and just bring it in next week. Then today, the car started making noises at the start of the day that seemed more troubling. By the time, the Audi pulled into the Skamania Lodge it was screaming the death throes of a dying fan belt or the equivalent in today’s computerized cars. We are planning a visit to the Bend, Oregon Audi tomorrow if they will accommodate. Bend is 98 miles or 100 minutes from our lodging at Diamond Lake (assuming both cars are functioning). If Audi service in Bend is quick like a bunny, no issues. If it seems this is a big problem with this 2015, 55,000-mile machine, we hope to leave it behind in favor of a long-distance loaner. Kim and I handicap the odds against a quick fix (25%). The loaner likelihood seems like 60%. We see a 13% residual chance that they will have to rent a car and drive it back up when the Audi gets fixed. Hopefully one of those three will take Frank and Lydia “around the Bend”. Where is the last 2%? I have to attribute something to the old Audi not making it under its own steam to Bend (Hello, AAA).

I am glad to report that Frank and Lydia did, indeed, make it to Bend, but unfortunately the Audi dealership diagnosed the problem as requiring a part from Audi U.S. HQ in New Jersey. That means the car won’t be ready until Saturday. I was wrong about the Audi customer service standard since a loaner was not available (at least not to a non-local), but Frank was able to wrangle a deal from Enterprise Rent-a-Car for a week, such that they drove away in a shiny new Chrysler 300 (tell me that doesn’t take you back a few years, Frank!). That means that they hit what I probabilistically would call the 13% solution. We have now caught up to them at Diamond Lake Lodge. This is barely a lodge by any commercial standard, but by National Park Service standard it is top class. We have two cabins on the lake, each equipped with a kitchenette, sitting room, two bedrooms (one full and one with a set of twins) and a bathroom with clean towels. That falls into a category of all that we need, but given the NPS age and maintenance level (not to mention the initial development cost, which is clearly on the “basic” side of the spectrum), it is probably much less than we might otherwise prefer. Minimal cell service here and zero WiFi, which explains why the lodge clerk that shocked me in said, “enjoy the out of doors for a night.”

If you like lakes and you like boating on a lake you are in heaven here. Mt. Bachelor is the backdrop and I see a touch of snowfields on its cap. My phone altimeter tells me we are at 5,200 feet, so this is very much an alpine lake. We have seen the spectacular Mount Hood, which stands out in a way that is very reminiscent of the Matterhorn, even if the local town looked nothing like Zermatt or Brig. It was completely covered halfway to the top with what seemed to be deep snow cover, which is impressive for early August. Off in the distance was Mt. Jefferson, looking equally snow-covered. The Three Sisters, a bit further down towards Bend were less snowy, but impressive as an array of peaks. Natural beauty abounds in every direction up here in Oregon. I am becoming a big fan of Oregon,not to live here necessarily, but to visit when I need a nature fix or have friends or family that want to hike.

As I sit here pondering this lovely lake, wanting to write about the beauty of the world, I am having a harder and harder time finding topics to focus entire stories on that relate directly to the outrageous events of the Trump presidency. The problem isn’t so much that there are no events to dissect and discuss, the truth is 180 degrees opposite that, but there is a problem of sincerity of intent. Trump’s intent. This morning I read that with the agreement with Portland and Oregon leadership, Trump has withdrawn the Federal troops from the city (that actually happened at the end of last week). The real reason undoubtedly had little to do with what the Mayor and Governor conceded or agreed to do (such as protecting the Federal courthouse from further harm), and more to do with the fact that the backlash against the stormtrooping action met with universal pushback from State officials, Democrats, some Republicans (more privately than publicly), international agencies and governments, and even the UN human rights commission. Basically, Trump got called out for the despicable nature of his actions and there were legal proceedings initiated to bring the issue to the courts (which Trump was undoubtedly going to lose in the Ninth District). What to do? Obviously, withdraw and declare victory, the standard Trump tactic for any ill-advised action or commentary. The result has been a settling down of conflict in Portland and the return of fully peaceful protests, thereby proving that Trump was the cause of the violence not the cure for the violence. Surprise, surprise. But the point I am making is that you simply cannot judge any Trump action or comment on the basis of its face value or stated intent. It is never as it seems in terms of intent. The only intent which he consistently follows has to do with reelection and winning. It all distilled down to that and that alone. He is truly the least ideologically-oriented person most of us have encountered on the national or international stage. He is cartoonish as Wimpy, only wanting his hamburger at all costs (say anything, do anything).

The thing about cartoons is that they are fun for a while. And the more childlike you are, the more you like watching them over and over again. They give you comfort as a child because they are simple and familiar. You get it and are rarely confused by the message. Foghorn Leghorn was rarely direct in his entreaties to either the dog or the little “chicken hawk”. In fact, he was all bluster and attempts at misdirection. But it was so obvious that it was funny and you ended up kind of liking him for his bluster as much as for his real message. This is Trump, only this is not cartoonville. This is real life. People do not get hit on the head with anvils and survive. They die and their families suffer greatly. Foghorn Leghorn is funny only in cartoon abstraction. In real life, he is despicable. And by the way, the art of misdirection is always a surprise with a serious character new to the scene, but are any of us fooled by Foghorn Leghorn’s misdirection at this stage of the game? I play a fun trick on my friends and family whenever we are dining out and they order French Fries. I point off to the distance and say, “Look, Haley’s Comet!”, and steal a fry. It is neither a surprise nor a true attempt at deception. It’s a joke. Trump no longer uses deception in a way that fools anyone, he is simply a joke and a bad joke at that. Methinks I should stay focused on the Oregon and Columbia Gorgeous.

P.S. – The Diamond Lake Lodge has no WiFi, so this will need to get sent later in the day, Tuesday.