We recently went to dinner with our good friends Terry & Paula, who are in the process of buying a house in San Clemente since they plan to relocate out this way, I think more or less permanently. They are a few years older than we are, but are very young-spirited and in apparently fine shape. We are very pleased that they are heading this way since we very much enjoy their company and they seem to us to be very much California people (whatever that means). During the dinner conversation I used an expression which startled Paula. In a very offhand manner and in discussing the need to take advantage of every opportunity put before us, I said, “after all, we only have so many Christmases.” I think Paula thought that was almost a domesday comment and it felt very unnecessarily finite to her. We quickly retraced and explained that it was not intended as a harsh reality comment, but rather as a Carpe Diem comment.
It’s a lot easier to find the origins of Carpe Diem than anything about limited Christmases. The phrase “carpe diem” comes from the Roman poet Horace’s Odes (Book I, Ode 11), written around 23 BCE. The full line reads: “carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero” – literally “pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the next one.” I studied Latin for four years and I even remember reading Horace, but at age 16 or 17 I’m not sure Carpe Diem is such a world-shaking principle. Adolescents seize the day almost every day and it is certainly the folly of youth to not concern yourself too much with tomorrow. Horace wrote this in a poem addressed to a woman named Leuconoe, advising her not to worry about trying to predict the future or know how long she’ll live. Instead, he urged her to focus on the present moment and enjoy life now, since tomorrow is uncertain. The metaphor “pluck” (carpere) is drawn from agriculture… like picking ripe fruit or harvesting crops at the right moment. It suggests seizing opportunities when they’re ready, not letting them pass by. The philosophy behind the phrase reflects Epicurean ideas that were popular in Horace’s time like the notion that life is short and unpredictable, so we should find pleasure and meaning in the present rather than constantly worrying about an uncertain future. However, Horace wasn’t advocating reckless hedonism; his version was more about living wisely and appreciating each day. The phrase gained broader cultural prominence much later, particularly during the Renaissance when classical texts were revived, and it’s become one of the most recognizable Latin expressions in modern times – though it’s often simplified to just mean “seize the day” without the original context of mortality and uncertainty that Horace intended.
As for “we only have so many Christmases”, the expression is a reminder of mortality and the finite nature of time, particularly in the context of family gatherings. It means that time is limited and we all have only a finite number of years left, especially with aging loved ones. Furthermore, it implies that we should not delay or demure and not postpone important family gatherings or moments. We all need to prioritize what matters most and make time for family and friends while you still can. The importance of seizing the moment is the understanding that each Christmas could potentially be the last with certain family members. We are feeling that right now in our family as Kim’s brother Jeff will not be with us this Christmas.
Modern life has us all spread to the four winds. My oldest sister, Kathy happens to have both her children and therefore her four grandchildren all with twenty miles of her. My other sister, Barbara has one child and one grandchild in the same city as her and the other child and grandchild 280 miles away. My kids and grandkids are much further flung, which is more in keeping with my family tradition. My mother went far afield from her siblings and father and the three of us in my family spread out across the country and world. I know some families are further flung than ours, but my children are 2,800 miles away and 1,000 miles away. We talk pretty much every week, but they all have their busy lives and I think we are all just used to being physically distant much of the time. We make a serious point of seeing each other several times each year and make it a priority to schedule those times well in advance.
In some ways, the warning of the Christmas expression is that it is easy when discussing whether to attend family gatherings to focus on the inconvenience or distance or schedule, but you simply can’t let that happen. That’s especially the case when aging parents, grandparents or siblings are involved. It serves to emphasize that we shouldn’t take family time for granted…it won’t always be available. Families being families, the expression also serves to remind us and act as motivation to make an effort to be together despite busy schedules or family tensions, which always seem to exist to some degree and in some form.
I like my expression better than, “Life is short”, or “Tomorrow isn’t promised” or “Make every moment count”. People sometimes use the same expression but use Thanksgivings or Birthdays, but for most Christians, Christmas ratchets up the game. There is no holiday for Christians that can compare to Christmas when it comes to the importance of gathering family and friends.
At this moment, we have 32 days left before Christmas, so about 1/12 of the calendar year. Usually, Kim and I do not like to “push the season” by decorating before Thanksgiving, but this year is different. We head out on Tuesday to London/Edinburgh/Prague and NYC. Every stop is about Christmas. It’s a Christmas Markets tour for us, so we will spend 13 days focused on Christmas, enjoying it with the thought that we have many more to come, but also realizing that anything can happen in this life and we truly do not know how many more Christmases we have. I thought of that today when I had to replace a pre-lighted outdoor tree for our front gate entry. I chose to buy two matching 4’ trees rather than just replace the one I already have that’s not functioning. It made me think about whether that was worthwhile in terms of how many more Christmases I would be a.) living in this house, b.) up to the task of outdoor decorating for Christmas, and c.) around to care or participate. I didn’t find the thought in least bit morbid, and I chose to buy the new decorations…and even keep the boxes to store them in year after year. I am nothing if not an optimist, but I am increasingly also a Carpe Diem guy who never wants to miss an opportunity to NOT miss an opportunity.
At the tail end of our trip, the NYC stop is specifically for an annual family gathering we do at the Cornell Club. Last year we discovered the Library in the Club and decided that is the best room to do our annual revelry. It seems the Cornell CLub figured out the value of the Library just as we discovered it, so it got priced up this year. Kim and I discussed whether it was worth the extra cost and when it came right down to it, we just looked at each other and shrugged and said to one another, “we only have so many Christmases…”