Bug Soup

Bug Soup

I have explained that this house has several lovely outdoor seating areas. There is the wonderfully sunny deck floating out over the hillsides towards the ocean. It has an “infinity” aspect to it the way infinity pools have an endless quality to them, blending the water and the sky. There is the garden patio overlooking the grotto-like hot tub set amongst the boulders and nestled into the succulents and cacti. That patio is where the barbecue is located and where we do our social distancing dining, with several tables and a stool-accompanied countertop. And then there is the garage and open parking area, which have become a nice shady spot to sit and contemplate home repairs or motorcycle dreams. One of the nicest things about outdoor living out here is the fact that unlike more floral and verdant places (like Ithaca), there are very few flying insects that bother us when we sit outdoors. As an avid motorcyclist I am very aware of flying insects and I can say unequivocally that arid environments have fewer and verdant places more. This is mostly an arid hilltop so flying bugs are few. And then there is late Spring in May and June.

In many Northern Hemisphere areas the months or May and June are buggy months. I lived in South Central Maine for three years and learned that black flies are a life-changing phenomenon during those months. In my early banking career I was assigned Northern New England as my territory so I soon found myself in Bangor, Maine in the office of the Chairman of the biggest bank in Bangor, with whom we had a correspondent relationship. This guy was an ex-J.P.Morgan banker from New York, so to say he was a bit formal was an understatement. It was May and he was sitting at his desk wearing a bright white starched shirt, a Rep Tie and a dark grey suit that probably came from Brooks Brothers or J.Press. Suddenly, I glanced at him and saw bright red blood running down his neck and onto his white starched shirt. I said, “Bill, you are profusely bleeding from your neck” as I pointed to his gushing wound.

He reached up and touched his blood-letting and just said, “Those DAMN black flies!” You see, May in Maine is dominated by nasty, biting black flies that swarm by the thousands around any warm-blooded mammals in their general vicinity. Many other wooded regions of the north like Winnipeg, Manitoba are famous for their annual May black fly inundation. Apparently, residents of these areas have found ways to adjust, presumably using Deet, mosquito netting, and other manner of fly avoidance.

By mid-May I began to realize that my bug-free arid hilltop was not so bug-free in May and June. When I would sit on the patio, I began to notice flies would start buzzing around bothering me. Now these were not those nasty hungry black flies that seek arterial blood, but let’s face it, flies are annoying and I shifted venue to the deck, thinking that lack of surrounding vegetation might make the difference. It didn’t enough. There were flies on the deck too, though considerably fewer than on the patio.

When I asked Kim if she had any bug spray, she looked at me like I was kidding and sent me off to Lowe’s. Asking about fly attenuation at Lowe’s proved not much easier than talking to Kim about it. I finally found the area in the store dedicated to bugs. The choices involved a number of electrical zappers. I bought a few, including a battery-powered tennis racquet with a zapper grid for strings that could be swung at the offending flying insects. But also, there were an array of more serious chemical alternatives that looked like they would make Torquemada blush. I found one that was a milk bottle-sized contraption with a packet of skull & cross-bone chemicals to which you add water and a special tricky top. The top is tricky because it’s the classic roach motel trick where flies can check in, but can’t check out. I bought two, one for the patio and one for the deck.

The first day I put them out fully loaded, Kim held her nose and said they smelled. I smelled nothing. In a few days I looked at the bottles and the patio bottle was filling with dead flies. The deck bottle wasn’t getting much action so I moved it to the garage, where I had noticed a few flies when I sat on the sofa in there. The next day when I opened the garage door on a hot day, I was almost knocked over by the pungent smell the fly juice had created in a warm enclosed space. I now knew what Kim found offensive. It smelled like a cross between a Central Park men’s room on a summer day and an over—crowded morgue in the tropics. I suddenly understood what flies found so interesting in the bottle.

Once the smell got into my nose, even outside on the patio, I could distinctly smell the bug juice wherever I put it. I also looked into the bottles, which had sat on the patio for several days. Of the approximately four inches of fluid in the bottles, two inches appear to be solid dead flies. That’s a lot of dead flies. That brings to mind a macabre story of our houseguest Maggie. Like many retiring people (including Kim), Maggie loves birds. And guess what birds love more than anything? Yes, bugs and flies. Maggie, the kindest soul I know, kills and collects bugs and flies and every day lays them out for the birds to enjoy. Apparently it’s a very effective way to get rid of dead or injured bugs and flies. Who knew?

Recently I saw in Hammacher Schlemmer a new contraption for chasing away flying insects. It’s a small Mylar propeller that you put on the table and the spinning chases flying insects away. We tried them out last night and had no flies. But then today, when Maggie was out on the patio on a sunny afternoon she got chased in by the flies. Assuming it wasn’t a case of the fly grapevine getting the word out on Maggie, I have assumed the flies are a bigger problem in the heat of day than in the evening. Between the zappers, the bug racquet, the bug soup (hidden in the bushes far away since Kim won’t let me throw it out for ecological reasons until it dries out) and now the spinners, I think I am getting the outdoor fly and bug situation under control. I would hope so since we are now past mid-June when the fly and bug season is supposed to end anyway.