Being Contrite

Being Contrite

I was baptized a Catholic, but life on the road had my mother convert us to a Presbyterian upbringing. If asked, I say I am Christian, which is my way of declaring that I believe in the fundamental Christian dogma of the golden rule and the Good Samaritan, but I’m not very inclined toward the organizational trappings of any specific sect and I know Judaism and Islam have tenets similar to that dogma. It’s not for lack of religious training. I was a regular Sunday school attendee for ten years. Then during prep school I took comparative religion and ethics from the Brothers of the Holy Cross at Notre Dame International Prep. I came away from all of that feeling like I understood the importance of contrition. We all sin and therefore we all must pay penance. You don’t have to be a member of Opus Dei or wear a cilice around your thigh to be penitent. But you must be cognizant of your sins, admit them and be remorseful. Enter the 45th President of the United States.

I don’t care for regrets. That’s less about acknowledging your mistakes and more about suggesting that if you had it all to do over again you would choose a different course to produce a different outcome. I think regrets are acceptable even though I choose not to acknowledge them consciously. I say it that way because I’m not totally sure that I’m not just fooling myself when I say I have no regrets. It’s hard to imagine that we are so noble that getting a do-over on something would be of absolutely no interest to us. So for contrition I mean that we have to accept responsibility for our sins, however we choose to define them, and agree that none of us is without sin. Simply declaring everything as being great is not just an abjectly invalid view on the world, it is actually the greatest sin of all. Being unable to admit one’s fallibility is a degree of dishonesty that is perverse and causes great harm to the world. Denial may be the first step to healing, but acceptance is the final stage in releasing grief.

I have an old friend who always said that if you are ever caught in delicto flagrante, you should just deny any accusations. Deny, deny, deny. At the time and in the context of presumed sexual antics, it all seemed funny. Sexual misdeeds are salacious and seem mostly funny as seemingly innocent and victimless faux pas. I no longer consider it funny, innocent or victimless. Who do I blame? I blame #42, Bill Clinton.

At the time of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, I strongly felt that the president’s sexual shenanigans were his own business and had no place in the public dialogue. My guess is that at least 35 of his predecessors to the office were just as guilty of similar transgressions. I’m a child of the free love ‘60’s and just don’t attribute such significance to such dalliances. But when Bill Clinton faced the nation on television and directly lied to us for political purposes, he lost me. I knew I hated that and said so at the time. I’m ashamed to say it did not cost him my vote for his second term, but it was a difficult vote for me. Had I known then what I know now, I would certainly have at least withheld my vote.

I am part of the cadre that feels that Clinton’s lie set the stage for the slippery slope we find ourselves on today with regard to the truth on the national political stage. Who among us can believe that we are laughing and shaking our heads at MSNBC each night as we hear the Trump tally of lies since occupying the White House? The cynical among us will say that politicians all and always lie. That’s bad, but that’s not my point. My point is that the absolute and complete denial of ANY wrongdoing, mistake, misstep, loss, failure, inconvenient recorded statement, incriminating videotaped comment or anything not helpful or aggrandizing is perhaps the most dangerous thing to ever face our nation.

The Emperor Hirohito proudly admitted to the righteousness of the Pearl Harbor attack and all its infamy. Osama Bin Ladin self-righteously claimed credit for 9/11. Hitler justified and rationalized his atrocities, but he didn’t deny them.

Donald J. Trump is not like these great anti-heroes. He’s much worse. I understand that such a claim sounds like a sensationalization of reality. But I believe it’s true. Even a strict religious sect like Catholicism recognized that it was critical to the social order for everyone, even priests to admit and seek forgiveness for their sins. Contrition was viewed as central to civilization. We could accept sin and fallibility. Anything can be forgiven, but only if it is not denied. I am unclear of any direct biblical reference to this, but I’ll bet that if Dante Alighieri had designed an Inferno Chutes and Ladders, there was a great big chute from top to bottom on the denial space that sent the perpetrator straight to hell. Do not pass GO and do not collect $200.

And here’s the thing, Dante had nine levels of hell and the ninth was reserved for treachery. Satan, Judas, Brutus, Cassius, all betrayers of relationships, all big-time deniers of their misdeeds. Denial is as bad as it gets because it undermines all that we know.

We need to build a wall, actually four walls around #45. He needs to spend a very long time in a confessional. We are being led by the Denier-in-Chief and he and all who endorse, excuse and protect him from the reality and acceptance of his mistruths and misdeeds are on that big long chute down to the ninth level. Why is that strong a castigation justified? It portends the coming of the next dark ages as we slide into irretrievable disrepair. Cable news calls it a breaching of the norms of political civility. I say it’s worse. The acceptance of denial is the beginning of the end of civilization as we know it.