Fiction/Humor

Another Big Ass Fan

Another Big Ass Fan

My nephew and his family moved back to Southern California recently. As a young family with a toddler, they needed a transition living arrangement while they managed the move from Minnesota and wrangled the sale and purchase of a house. My sister, who lives nearby said it was going to be very difficult for her to put them up for that transition period since their home would have to be upended to make room for them. I have a lovely home I expect to eventually move to in San Diego, but it lays dormant and empty most of the time at the moment except the few times we go out there. Needless to say, the right thing to do was to offer my house for their interim use.

For my two older children and my wife’s nephew we have done some version of providing them with financial help to bridge similar transitions. It seems to be the norm and, indeed, no child or semi-child of ours has been able to manage it without some measure of help. I don’t think we are an unusual family in that regard. Financial life is definitely getting harder for our children. We can discuss all the psychosocial and socioeconomic reasons for this, but I think it all boils down to the simplicity of lower growth than when we were young. That alone provides the damper that probably causes this extra struggle.

At the end of last year, in preparation for our eventual retirement out to that home (probably in 2020, but certainly no sooner), I contracted for the installation of a solar energy system to reduce our electric bills. I was very annoyed by a steady rise in my electric bills even though I was rarely in residence. SDG&E goes so far as to send bills that compare your electric use to the norm and your neighbors. Without even living there I was using twice what they said my neighbors were using. I went on a rampage. I bought and installed a Sense unit to figure out what was causing it. I gave away the garage extra refrigerator (they say it’s one of the least efficient users of power). I made sure the A/C was put way down. I also went the extra distance of ordering three Big Ass Fans for the house to better circulate the air conditioning and improving hot weather comfort with reduced energy use.

With installation delays on the solar and the schedule for my nephew’s move set between February and May, it worked out that the solar was up and running almost exactly when my nephew’s family arrived to move in. The way I figure it, that was about perfect. The mom and toddler arrived first and the dad and dog and cat came a week later by car. Yikes, I hadn’t realized there was a dog and cat in the play. But I just ignored it and used the three months to test out my new solar efficiency program. The result was that after years of getting frustratingly high bills that were somewhat inexplicable, suddenly I was a net provider of electricity versus a net user. And this was with all that the mom, dad, toddler, dog and cat could use, each day, every day. It was great! What a break for us all that this was so well-timed. I am basking in the glow of energy efficiency instead of fuming about how much the dog and cat are consuming of my runaway electric bill.

I haven’t even had the Big Ass Fans installed yet, which is probably just as well, since it turns out my wife doesn’t like ceiling fans. We will do it anyway, since I’ve already bought them. The main season I wanted them for are the warmer summer months, so we still have time to get them up before the heat is fully upon us. In the meantime, we are planning our annual motorcycle ride in early May and I want them installed by then. I’m not even sure they will add to my energy efficiency, but it just seems they should.

What is it about these fans that has me so frantic to install them? Well, it could be one of several things. First there is the possibility that I have researched efficient HVAC deployment in warm climates and determined that air circulation aides are key. Then there’s the chance that the fact that my brother-in-law highly recommended that I do this and he is both very studied and knowledgeable could be driving my thinking. And finally it could just be that Big Ass Fans is a cool name and I like saying I am installing Bill Ass Fans in my house. I’m pretty sure the odds favor door number three.

I got one for the living room, one for the Master Bedroom and one for the kitchen. I have already been convinced that the kitchen location is suboptimal and that fan should be installed in the dining room. Let’s see what else comes up to derail this plan. I have a feeling I have not heard the end of this.

My nephew has found and gone into contract on his new house. I believe the dog and cat are moving out in April with enough time for move-in renovations and a full deep clean before we arrive. The truth is that we probably wouldn’t have used the house for those three months and with the new solar, it was better to have someone using the electric rather than not. The net cost of all that was….nil. The Big Ass Fans have just sat out in the garage patiently waiting for installation to no avail. Probably the greatest annoyance to me from all this was that I had to see an occasional Facebook post of the dog and cat in my house. Without that, this whole business would have been a tree falling in a forrest with no one around to hear it.

I like my nephew. I don’t know his wife well, but she seems very nice and considerate. Their toddler is a typically cute toddler, so I have nothing against him. I like doing things to help my sister. So why am I anxious that the family get into their new place before I get out there next month? I’m going with a problem I must have with the dog and cat. And actually, our dog has caused me to get over any problem with dogs. So. It must be that damn cat that I object to. Truth be told, I have just never been a big ass fan of cats.