A Gooey Mess
I really want to do more things around the house myself, but by now I should know better where to draw the line. It’s one thing to take on the reroofing of a wooden bird feeder by buying copper sheets and learning how to work them and fashion them into a hexagonal roof, as I recently did. The cost of such a whim is the cost of materials plus the potential cost of destroying the already broken bird feeder. If we say the materials cost $50 and the bird feeder or something akin to it can be bought for $70 new (I saw on for about that down in Lewes when we were visiting with Roger and Valene), then the equation works out like this:
1. If I fail I am out the incremental $50 and some time and effort and am otherwise no worse off.
2. If I succeed I have spent $50 to salvage $70, so I have a net positive impact of $20 assuming the repaired bird feeder lasts as long as a new one would have.
In a pure financial analysis sense this creates as asymmetrical return which means that I had better be operating at low risk or at very high spiritual value for doing this. I will forthright declare that I viewed there to be low risk that I would fail and a high value added from doing something like this myself. Therefore it was worth doing and even though the new copper roof is a little funky, I would still do it over again.
As of last year and the COVID regimen, we have tended to entertain guests by eating outside on our patio. It is a nice spot which we like to use anyway, but lowering infectiousness by being outdoors is a smart thing to do if possible. It so happens that when we redecorated the patio with new furniture, we decided to go with three separate round tables thereby setting the tone that we would henceforth do out outdoor dining in some version of a socially distant manner. We have a barbecue set-up that we inherited with the house with a large propane grill and a tile-topped L-shaped counter for serving and encasing the mini fridge. The counter is always a bit too small and cramped to accommodate all the food and condiments we set out, so I bought a round wooden folding outdoor table to use as a side table between the grill and the spa. It is actually one of several we keep over in that area in case we need expanded capacity. It served its function very well for a year and showed no signs of wearing out, though it was never the nicest looking table in the world. The fact was that it looked a little on the cheap side.
Earlier last year when I was building out the Cecil Garden and also putting up the driveway shade sail, I ended up with a piece of metal pipe with a base that seemed perfect as a table stand for the garden. I went online and bought a piece of live edge wood that I bought raw. Handy Brad then went about getting a base plate welded on top to use for attaching the wooden top and also then clear-coating the wood so it would hold up to the weather. It was a simple project and it came out quite nice. So far it has stood up well to the elements and I am generally pleased with it.
That is what gave me the idea to buy a piece of live edge wood to sit on top of the little wooden table to create a nicer table top. I went back to the same lumber website and searched until I found one with a piece that fit the diameter specifications. That was harder than I had thought since a 42’ round log seems to be hard to come by, which I assume from my days of watching Big Timber, means that logs that big are more valuable to be sawed lengthwise. That piece was perhaps three inches thick and had a nice grain to it, but would definitely require some finishing. I spent a fair bit of time contemplating the option of doing as I had with the smaller piece in the garden and refinishing it myself (I didn’t even think I would need Handy Brad for it). That would involve lots of sanding on both sides followed by finding epoxy filler to fill in the cracks and natural crevices. This started to sound like a more involved DIY project, especially since I had the idea to use a colored epoxy to highlight the piece artistically. I wanted to put in a reddish dye as I had seen the lumber company offer if they finished the piece. I finally got smart enough to realize that I would not do as good a job on the piece as the professionals, so I bit the bullet and had them finish the piece. They warned me that they would not guarantee how much weather-related abuse the piece could withstand, but that they would use their best outdoor clear coat formulation.
It took eight weeks, but the piece arrived nicely crated and looked spectacular. I wrangled it up onto the table and just let it sit there for a day or two to see how Kim and I liked it. It looked great and the only thing I wasn’t happy with was the little table underneath. I would contemplate what to do with it as we traveled back for our visit to New York City to see the kids.
When I returned from New York, to my surprise, the table top had developed a slight cupped warp that made it sit on the table like a very shallow bowl, rocking ever so slightly this way and that. That would not do and I was tempted to call the lumber supplier, but then remembered their warnings about outdoor exposure. I decided that this was just a risk of the game. But it did mean that the idea of attaching legs to the top was a higher priority since it simply didn’t sit well on the table. I found some nice metal X legs and bought them online for delivery. I knew the cupping would need to be dealt with in the way in which the leg plates would be attached, but I felt that was a fix that would have to come on a play-action basis when the legs arrived.
When they arrived I set about attaching them and meanwhile noticed that a nice-sized gap had opened up on the wood, which was consistent with the cupping that had gone on. I also noticed that the warping had caused this interesting effect on the Merlot-colored epoxy in several of the larger fill spots where those epoxy fills seemed to bulge out every so slightly as a reaction to the warping. I found that more interesting than annoying per se. So I went about drilling and attaching the legs to the top. What resulted was the anticipated gaps at one end of the leg plates and more wobbling than I had hoped from these sturdy-seeming legs. Time to involve Handy Brad.
Handy Brad got a look at the situation and seemed to know just what to do. I went off to buy some brackets for him and new metal-tapping bolts and he set about undoing what I had done to attach the legs. He reattached them and said that the only way to make it less wobbly would be to attach a cross-brace between the legs. We tried that and found the metal unyielding to the drill. So, Handy Brad called his welding buddy who agreed to come up next weekend to attach a welded cross-brace. Meanwhile, Brad suggested I fill the crack with epoxy. He had attached several brace straps to stop further widening, but felt that it would be safer for the wood to fill the gap. He told me to tape the bottom to contain the epoxy and then fill the crack.
I bought the best epoxy on offer at Home Depot and mixed up half of it as directed after taping off the bottom. I then poured in the mixed epoxy only to find that it started dripping through the tape and landing on the patio in a gooey mess. I decided to leave it and make up for it with the second batch. This time I waited for the epoxy mix to set. I then noticed that the disposable plastic dish I was using to mix it was starting to get very hot. It seems the chemical reaction was working overtime. Just as I stood up to put the firming mixture in the crack, like magic it hardened into a gooey mess in the dish in one nanosecond. I was now out of epoxy and had an unfilled crack. At this point I decided to regroup and wait for Handy Brad since I was no longer prepared to make another gooey mess of this table top more than I had already done.